Now Open: Backstory Help.

[Archived Post]

For those of you who feel.... less than confident of either your ability to write down whats in your head, or just getting a good idea of that awsome character/power/name idea that you really want to flesh out...
In either case, or if you just want someone to privately bounce ideas off of....


*sets up lemonade stand looking stand*


We're here to help :)

*puts up little sign on a nail "Wont throw brick at honest customers"*



;):cool:



{edit:}
If you're new to the boards, or this thread, Ive seen quite a few threads asking for help lately.
There are many people in the community willing to help, and it might cut back on clutter a little if we post all the "Requests" in one place...

[Archived Post]

Great idea man!

If I wasn't too darn stubborn, I'd come to you for help.
I may cave in the end, but for now I'm going to toil on.

But soon I may be coming to you for help.

[Archived Post]

not a problem, Im always around.
if you just need someone to bounce ideas off of, I can do that too.. just send a PM ;)

[Archived Post]

Been helping out Sugar Rush, but i think that I got him some good ideas to work from (cant wait to see the finished product, btw, Sug)..

but that means I have time again, if anyone else wants a sounding board or some help :D

[Archived Post]

Ok I got a little something that I could use some suggestions on. I'm fleshing out a character of mine named Amaya and I had this idea of her having 3 personalities at once when she wears her "costume" if you will. I wrote a little bit of it down here (http://forums.champions-online.com/showthread.php?t=4780) but I'm still stuck on how I should go about displaying it in my stories and stuff. Should I write one of the personalities, say for instance the demon, in italicized bolded red, to show the difference between them, in terms of like attitude and things of that nature? I dont know if Im making sense lol been a long day

[Archived Post]

your concerned with how to "display" the various personalities? Italicized and colored texts really are the easiest. I assume the three voices would be the spirit of the armor, the soul of the blade, and Amaya herself?

further... having three voices, I imgine you'll have one of the two classic triads? (good, evil, neutral / id,ego,super ego)

I would suggest that Amaya be spoken in plain white colored text (the default is a light shade of grey) it makes her stand out as being "normal but more" when she speaks.

If you have a subconscious (uninhibited) voice, use a darker than standard grey, italicized, like a voice in her head... if, rather, you have an "evil" voice... make it red italicized...

if the other is moral compass, make it pale blue italicized, if its more "good", keep the color but leave the text plain...


it really depends on how you wish to play out the conversations between your three personae, and the conversations between them and other characters....

if the other two voices are only audible to Amaya, and she in turn is the voice that everyone hears, reguardless of which "voice" is speaking... speak boldly with the positive/moral force, and italicized in the negative/uninhibited voice...


if all three speak openly... keep their coordination in all cases.




helpful?

[Archived Post]

Well the voice that everyone hears is a combination of all 3 voices, kind of like all 3 of them speaking in unison. While having the armor on, Amaya and her "compadres" refer themselves as "We" instead of "I". However, at times, one of the personalities could be in control, which would affect their actions and speech sometimes. So let's say Amaya cant fight off the urges of the demon of the sword and for a brief moment the demon takes over. I then would write in the red, italicized? That would make sense.

So ya the italicized thing would definitely work and it could also show her struggling with her inner demons

[Archived Post]

Italics do draw attention to the spoken word... but in compairison to other texts, in speech... it will come across as seedy/sly/slinking/slicing....

bold will be, obviously, bold, strong, proud.....


use color to identify the speaker..... blue for the one, red for the other... purple for both? something intuitive along those lines.

use italics and bolds to identify tone... (when the good guy is talking in a sly, seedy tone... or when the devil is speaking out bold and righteous... we give more depth and interest to whats being said.)

[Archived Post]

Personally I think it makes for better writing if you can convey who's in control via what's being said and done rather than having to rely on a change in font. For example, if the demon is aggressive or evil, then have that shift show by having her encourage bloodlust and violence, or maybe descriptive things like a mad look in her eyes, etc. We're all relatively intelligent, we'll figure out what's going on. ;)

This is assuming that the personalities are distinct enough from one another for this to be possible. If two of the three are "nice" then you may want to give them unique characteristics so the readers will be able to tell the two apart based solely on what's written. Or you could use the font, but again I think it's better if the personalities distinguish themselves.

[Archived Post]

Personally I think it makes for better writing if you can convey who's in control via what's being said and done rather than having to rely on a change in font. For example, if the demon is aggressive or evil, then have that shift show by having her encourage bloodlust and violence, or maybe descriptive things like a mad look in her eyes, etc. We're all relatively intelligent, we'll figure out what's going on. ;)

This is assuming that the personalities are distinct enough from one another for this to be possible. If two of the three are "nice" then you may want to give them unique characteristics so the readers will be able to tell the two apart based solely on what's written. Or you could use the font, but again I think it's better if the personalities distinguish themselves.

If we were talking about a novelization, id be inclined to agree with you, but ive always seen this form of fan fiction as, in essence, a graffic novel without pictures. with that In mind, visual ques are common elements to convey information to your readers without haivng to explicitly state it in the body of the piece.

[Archived Post]

Really interesting service idea there, Ghost. Something I certainly would want to get in on (in on the helping part mind you, not so much the being helped part :p).

[Archived Post]

I always welcome help, and it seems more problematic to have competition in this sort of service than partners...


feel free to speak up on anything discussed here, Ammy... and if those community members who PM me are ok with it, i'll pass what they've said, or anything ive edited, added, or thought up on to you as well.

[Archived Post]

I always welcome help, and it seems more problematic to have competition in this sort of service than partners...


feel free to speak up on anything discussed here, Ammy... and if those community members who PM me are ok with it, i'll pass what they've said, or anything ive edited, added, or thought up on to you as well.

That'd be cool. Would be a nice chance to flex my creative muskles in a way that would actually help people fully realize their concepts which, if you can't order your thoughts well enough on your own, I'm sure is super frustrating. In fact, I know it is because I've had times where I just sit and stare at my computer for like an hour, stuck on a certain part of an essay or something for no good reason. :o

Anyway, I'm getting off track a bit. What I'm getting at is, I'd be glad to help, and will always stay open to the (for the lack of a better word) client's input, and stay true to their concept. This does, however, mean I'll have to acquaint myself with the Champions lore to be able to form more integrated ideas. :eek:
As an added note in advance to the clients, if you ever feel that I am getting too far off your concept, or you don't like the direction I'm taking, by all means tell me...this is your character after all.

PS to Ghost: Not sure if that was more in response to my post there or the PM I sent you asking if you needed help, but I did send you a PM on the topic in case you missed it.

[Archived Post]

I got it... just no need to reply privately, when we can converse publically. That being said....


If anyone has any questions about style for writing (like Frank did), or need some help fleshing about a backstory, or need some help comming up with a "cool" or "interesting" way that your character discovered/aquired their powers...

Or you just want to make sure someone actually reads all that stuff you bothered to write down (and you arent worried about some constructive criticism)..



Drop us a line, here.... Or send a Private Message.... We're here to help :D

[Archived Post]

And GhostHack really does help.

I'm working through all the INCREDIBLE suggestions I was given.

As soon as I get through this last swamp of papers and finals, I'll be able to get to work writing down the origins for my team and characters.
If you have any questions or just need some advice, GhostHack is the one to ask.
We were able to work together (I say work together, I just described my character basically) and come up with some great back stories and such. I feel like I was really able to use them as a springboard and develop some people I had really been struggling with for a while.

Thanks again Ghost!

[Archived Post]

This is starting to sound like an info mercial.

by the way there are a great many creative people more than willing to help all you have to do is ask someone.

[Archived Post]

I agree most heartily, Hype.... just making it a little easier for the community... a place to ask questions, and a name to ask (and a fairly well known name in the "asking people stuff" field, if I do say so myself ;P)

[Archived Post]

This is starting to sound like an info mercial.

by the way there are a great many creative people more than willing to help all you have to do is ask someone.

Complete jump here but:

Has anyone else watched the "Magic Bullet" infomercial? It's mesmerizing, me and my roommate ended up watching the entire thing, from start to finish one morning, we missed class and didn't even notice. 2 other guys wandered into the room and they were trapped too. It's so...so...perfect. All the things it can do.
It's a good thing I don't have any money, or I would have bought one. But then I started dating a girl and she has one and it is pretty darn awesome, as is she, so double bonus! (Fruit Smoothies for the win!)


As a sidenote: There is so much talent on these boards it is ridonkulous. I'm afraid my creative writing skills have atrophied under the oppressive collar of the scientific world. That's why I wen to GhostHack for help.

That's

G-H-O-S-T and then Hack, for all your writing needs ! *thumbs up*

[Archived Post]

...shush :-P

[Archived Post]

In the words of the late and great Rodney Dangerfield...
"No respect." ; ;
Just playing of course, I've still yet to have the opportunity to help with anything. The respect comes later. :p

[Archived Post]

...shush :-P

sorry, couldn't help myself.

My lips are sealed.

[Archived Post]

All right, I could use a hand here.

I've got a character in my head I've been tinkering with, Thundress.

She's sort've a harken back to the old school heroes, but not the cheesey sivler age comics style. Think DC: The New Frontier. One of those supers who loves what she does, cares about people, will face any foe with a confident smile, that sort of thing.

Now, her powers [which hopefully I'll be able to pull off in the game] are Super Strength, Flight, Sonic Screams, and Electricity control. The problem is, I can't figure out WHERE these powers came from.

At the moment I'm tinkering with the idea of her being from the south and having a very slight southern dialect to her speech. You can get a small feel for the character from my story about her and her nemesis which is here in this forum. Just do a search for my previous posts, it's pretty easy to spot.


Anyway, what I need is to find an explanation for her powers. I'm leaning towards a magical explanation for her powers. One thought I had was she could have something like native america shamanism as a blood line in her family heritage.
I'm open to suggestions of any sort of origin so feel free to toss 'em out there! :)

[Archived Post]

All right, I could use a hand here.

I've got a character in my head I've been tinkering with, Thundress.

She's sort've a harken back to the old school heroes, but not the cheesey sivler age comics style. Think DC: The New Frontier. One of those supers who loves what she does, cares about people, will face any foe with a confident smile, that sort of thing.

Now, her powers [which hopefully I'll be able to pull off in the game] are Super Strength, Flight, Sonic Screams, and Electricity control. The problem is, I can't figure out WHERE these powers came from.

At the moment I'm tinkering with the idea of her being from the south and having a very slight southern dialect to her speech. You can get a small feel for the character from my story about her and her nemesis which is here in this forum. Just do a search for my previous posts, it's pretty easy to spot.


Anyway, what I need is to find an explanation for her powers. I'm leaning towards a magical explanation for her powers. One thought I had was she could have something like native america shamanism as a blood line in her family heritage.
I'm open to suggestions of any sort of origin so feel free to toss 'em out there! :)
I'll see what I can come up with, keep an eye on your PM inbox. :p

As for your power assortment...I'd say that's one of the most realistic hopes for powers to be included in the game that I've seen yet. I'd say you have nothing to worry about, especially considering CoX had powersets for each of those.

*EDIT* PM #1 sent. Tell me what you think.

[Archived Post]

Chiro... explain "electricity control"


are we talking summoning lightning bolts from thin air (elec blast/support) or something more subtle... like being able to short circuit electronics...

I assume by "control" you're having the idea of her tazering an enemy or stunning them with her voice, then pulverizing them.




My best idea, off the top of my head... is that she is able to charge/control subatomic particles, and amplify that charge through the sympathetic wave phenomenon...using her voice

basically she creates static electricty with her voice... and having such a perfect control over her vocal capabilities could easily enable her to control said electricity, as well as use her voice against an enemy... shattering his eardrums, sending him unconscious, shattering internal organs, simply by reverberating sympathetic vibrations until she gets the desired effect.



her "super strength" is her bodies natural ability to withstand the forces she contains in herself (like a biologic soundproofing) making her both exceptionally dense and strong, but resistant to mind control of varying sorts.


flying is simply a matter of slowing and condensing the particles below her feet/body into a thin, invisible platform , and then supercharging the particles beneith the platform.... sort of like jet exaust.




as for "how" she has these powers... with a clearly defined (if obscure and bizzare) reason for all these things being possible, its easy enough to apply them to any origin...


she could have been born like this, she could have aquired a magical talisman of the banshee, it could be a technological machine (ala weirding modules from dune), it could be a scientific experement on vocal capabilities (trying to see if there was a way to make it so anyone could "sing like an opera singer").... it could be mystical... either through one of a number of demigods, through some atunement with nature as a whole (Shamanism meets science, as we dont control elements anymore, we control the building blocks of elements.)


thats just the first thing that popped in my head... and it might be a little loopy....
but I havent read your write up yet, so i'll drop you a PM when I have, to update, revise, or throw out this idea ;)

[Archived Post]

Yeah, off the top of my head I was thinking she could be the daughter of a Muse of music (obviously taking a couple liberties with the myth), hence the voice powers and unnatural strength (stemming from the fact that the muses were, I believe, daughters of one of the gods/goddesses). The lightning I didn't delved into too much quite yet.
Either way, I wasn't going to pursue her powers too much until she replied to my PM and provided a bit more clarification so I could narrow my train of thought a bit. :P

[Archived Post]

daughters of zeus and Mnemosyne, or of uranus and gaia... depending on who you ask.. but yes, you could definately go the muse route (even have lightning bolts ;p)


i just always seem to go for the most cimplicated pseudo science reason.... well, not always but if I can make it work, I try ;P

[Archived Post]

Thanks for the feed back you two. I'm about to rush out the door to my journalism class but as soon as I get back and a have a few spare moments I'll respond to both of you.
Through some cruel twist of fate, jsut minutes after I posted my request for help last night I actually thought of a potential source/origin for her powers. I'll flesh it out a bit in my head during class and share it when I get back home.

I might have to incorporate a bit of the ideas you've both given so far they're really intriguing to me. My one hesitation with science origins is that I've studied alot more about history and mythology, so I feel far more comfortable writing that realm than I do in a pseudo-science one.

[Archived Post]

it isnt so much science, as it is logic...

to me, though.. for magic to work, it has to effect something... fire has to be burning something... it had to be caused by something, and requires things to continue...

same with "sonic" voices, same with electricity....


"Lightning GO!" bothers me... theres more to lightning than that... its alive, its nearly impossible to control... you arent simply lighting a match, you're creating a chain of positive and negative molecules in the air to channel built up energy in one location, towards an uncharged object in another location...


Certainly, everything can simply be "Explained away" by magic.... but Im not an "explained away" sort of person.... Im an "explained" sort of person... and even if the science is a little shoddy from a technical expert's point of view.. it has enough "reality" behind it to maintain some real world validity
(i.e. rather than having the power to summon lightning at will, the character has the ability to effect the charge and polarity of the molecules in the nearby air... the application of which, enables the character to summon lightning bolts, or punch their enemies with a molecularly super-charged punch thats crackling with static electricity.)

[Archived Post]

By the same token though, she could be controlling lightning without explicitly knowing what the process is to do so. Like, I'm typing right now, but I'm not consciously thinking "Ok, I'm going to type A-M-A-D-A-E-U-S" to log in, I just have the intention to an end point, logging in, and my fingers kinda do the rest. Of course, that's only because I've become good at type so it's not the best analogy...maybe this one's better:
In order to type, I need to control my fingers. Even if I do consciously think "I'm going to hit the A key", I'm not telling each muscle in my fingers, wrists, and so on what to do, I merely have the intention to move my fingers and hit the A key, and my body does the rest outside of conscious effort. Otherwise we'd all have to have pretty intricate knowledge of human anatomy just to function, in order to know what muscle to move in what order and whatever. That would make life pretty freaking difficult...can you imagine having to keep track of your jaw and throat muscles while eating or drinking?
So does she mean to control all the particles and whatnot explicitly? Or just she just find out that she can control lightning without knowing the process, and uses it to help people? That question could reflect the degree of control she has over the more intricate parts of her powers, as well as her overall knowledge of lightning period. This, in turn, would leave more room for growth later on in the hero's career, learning more about how her own powers work and thus becoming more powerful through finding more applications of the first parts of the process rather then the end result "lightning".

By the same token, the "lightning" could be of magical origin, which leaves it so open-ended and up to personal creativity. It could be created out of nothing (ie: "magicked" into existence), or out of some unknown energy from some alternate dimension that you harness or something. Or it could be the manifestation of "mana", or whatever other name you have for generic magical energy, that for her, like a fingerprint due to lineage (or any other of a myriad of reasons you could come up with), just happens to resemble earthly lightning in every aspect. An example of this would be the common notion in fantasy that dragon's fire is somehow more potent then normal fire, even though technically I don't think that should make sense. Fire is fire, yet when you bring magical elements into it, it doesn't have to be earthly fire to act like it.

On the other hand, using my earlier suggestion of being the daughter of a Muse, the lightning would quite possibly be as natural for her character as moving a finger, which again could imply that she doesn't know the more intricate aspects, yet is still able to shoot lightning.

Having said all this, I don't really prefer one origin over another...I just use what's appropriate for whatever character happens to pop into my head at the time, and I try to keep those varied. They're all interesting for different reasons...science ones from the perspective of pushing mundane logic and theoretical science to it's creative limits; magic because of the unearthly qualities and sheer volume of ways you could spin it; natural abilities due to mutations, or being an alien or something is interesting from a more personal aspect of the character itself; technology/gadgets are always fun because, like science, it pushes theoretical technology to it's creative limits, and also reflects great intelligence on the part of the character if (s)he's the on making it all.

*EDIT* After all this, it occurs to me that all you really had reservations with was the ability to explain the powers, not their origin in particular. Nevertheless, I think I've helped that by providing a few general explanations for how magic could work, and not just spontaneously "Go lightning go!" people to death, even if the character themselves thinks that's all there is too it.

[Archived Post]

for me, all you're discribing is a question of timeframe...

if the character has ALWAYS had the ability, then yes, it should be as natural to do as picking up a pencil.. but that control has nothing to do with the how its done.

there are only two possible hows (when you boil it down...everything else is cosmetic)
either the character is able to directly manipulate the world around them to cause a particular effect.(speeding up, slowing down molecules...changing polarity, destablizing molecular structure)

or there is absolutly no logical way to explain it, it is simply magic (Saying SHAZAM)



so, the first step in the process, is to determine.... "DO we care what the character is doing to make this happen?" (how the hell does storm "control" the weather?)

if the answer is "yes, I care how its possible for the character to do these things" then you have to make an explaination from a scientific viewpoint an.... cut it down to fit your origin

if the answer is "No", then simply say what she can do... and use the character's origin to "explain away" her abilities (she can do all these things because....shes a mutant/demigod/magician/rediculously awsome gadgeteer, whatever...)
If the Science, if the "pheasability" dont matter.... then anything is possible...


think Superman.... nothing in his origin *justifies* his portfolio of abilities. he simply has them, its magic (the fact that the magic has something to do with being around a different colored sun, doesnt stop it from being magic)

now look at Spiderman, granted he has a BS justification for how the accident happened (a radioactive spider, would be too dead to bite anything) but look at where its taken.... The spiderbite infects Parker with radioactive neurotoxing, that alters his genetic structure, giving him certain qualities of the spider (well, its old comics, so he got "spiders in general"... only thing that the Movie did right, imo.. super spider, much better science)
the reason, though Bogus, is scientifically sound... it isnt "magic", he has specific powers based on the events of his origin. it isnt particularly complicated (I doubt it went into the junk DNA and RNA splicing et al) because his creator just cut away everything that was bulky and unnecessary....



Since Chiro came here asking "where do all these powers come from?"
but its really up to Chiro, in the sense.... "do we care why shes able to do these things?" (i.e. do flying,sonic voice, electricity, super strength have to be related in terms of "Function".... or "theme")

[Archived Post]

Oh yeah, I fully agree with you there. All I was doing was more or less commenting on how you don't need to explicitly say what happens. In my opinion, it is always better to have some sort of explanation of how it came about, like your Spiderman example, no matter how unrealistic it is, if it's believable in the context it's given (ie: comic book world) then it's at the very least passable and an effective way to explain things.

All I was trying to say, in a very long-winded and ineffectively-roundabout sort of way, is that just because she's able to wield lightning doesn't imply that the character knows the finer points of how she does it (replying to your talk of particles), whether or not the author does. So if you have a reason for it in your head, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to reveal it (or at least not right away). It just means that you have to limit how your character uses their power according to the system of how it works in your head. Delving into the inner workings of it, or arguably even the origins of it, doesn't have to come right away if the author is more interested in writing adventures in which they're already an established hero, without initially revealing their origins from the get-go. Which, while it isn't always the way I'd pursue it, is an equally respectable way to do things, especially if there's a flashback arc later on or something, in which you finally get to learn about the character you've grown to love. I do enjoy those.

My main point here is that, no matter how intricately the author may know the system surrounding the character's power, if the character herself doesn't, then it would be hard to give an opportunity to really explain how it all works without being awkwardly stuck into the story.

[Archived Post]

and for me... what the character knows is irrelevent.

the writer HAS to know. you cannot write what you dont know... If you want to talk about her powers in any detail (something more imaginative than "lightning cracked, badguy dies") you, the writer and the narrator have to know how this is all happening...



And this is to everyone who needs help with their writing. One simple fact that you, as a writer, must always take into account:

as a writer, you are the GOD of your story (whether there are Gods in your story or not) You know everything about everything within the world you've created. What you say, is.
If you say water freezes in the middle of the afternoon, then it DOES....reguardless of what makes logical sense to your reader.

So dont ever say that you "dont know" how something works, or how something happened.... YOU will always know... your characters may not.

[Archived Post]

the writer HAS to know. you cannot write what you dont know... If you want to talk about her powers in any detail (something more imaginative than "lightning cracked, badguy dies") you, the writer and the narrator have to know how this is all happening...

Sorry, I should have elaborated a bit more that time (ironically). What I meant was, yes, you have to know what's going on and write/describe accordingly, but your character can't explain what they don't know, or intentionally use their powers in a way that they shouldn't be able to know how to do yet, according to your concept.
For example, if your concept is a kid clumsily learning about their power to manipulate fire, then it wouldn't make sense for your character, being clumsy with their powers, to intentionally burn an intricate pattern of char marks in the shape of an artistic rose.
Conversely, if your concept is a kid learning how to learn their power to manipulate fire, and they have a real talent for it, then being able to do this sort of thing with it would make much more sense.
In both cases the author knows just as much about how the power works, but since the characters themselves, as part of their concept, have differing ability levels at the this point in time, then it wouldn't make sense for them to be able to perform as well as each other.

Sorry about that...thankfully my fictional writing is better then my ability to explain myself like this. Hopefully I got my point across better this time around.

In the event that yet again I explained myself badly, just know that we're pretty much on the exact same page, and that I actually do know what I'm doing, I just can't seem to get it out well enough at the moment. lol :p I blame my finals, this intensive studying is rotting my brai~ins!

So dont ever say that you "dont know" how something works, or how something happened.... YOU will always know... your characters may not.
If I implied this at all, I so didn't mean to. :eek:

lol...I'm starting to really hope you read the links I put into that one PM before so you don't think I'm as nooby as I think I'm making myself sound right now o_O; *shakes fist at finals*

[Archived Post]

Well, you boy have been busy while I've been away!
Wish I'd been here to clarify.

To be specific what I'm looking for is an origin as in 'When the powers manifested/how she got them' I'm not looking for a how she uses them. Actually on that point, I tend to side with the DC books over the Marvel books. I don't give a flying rat patotie HOW Spider-man can cling to walls. He's spider-man, he can cling to walls. That's all I care about.

Superman ha super powers as long as he's exposed to yellow sun rays. That's enough for me, I don't need to know if they super charge his molecules, or if he soaks in the UV light ala photosynthesis or anything like that. It's unimportant to me.

I may be AWARE that it is something like that, but it's not something I need to drive home more than once.

In Thundress's case, she can generate electricity. Could be an electrical aura around her body, could be a lightening bolt, could be she generates a electrical burst in her fist as she punches someone resulting in an effect similar to being shot with a taser.

Whether she does this by molecular manipulation or the lightening simply is 'there' really doesn't mean a whole lot to me. Like I said, I'm more a magic type than a science type. "Thundress can harness electricity" is all I need to understand.


Really what I'm looking more for though is not how she does all this but what caused her to be able to. Bombarded by electro-gamma radiation? Blessed by Zeus? Total mystery ability she realized she had when she was a girl? Years of training to harness her own inner will and manifest it?
That sort of deal.

I'm fairly settled on the idea that she's an Archaeologist under her civilian identity (still trying to think of a good name). Currently I'm kicking around the idea of her finding 'The Well of the elements' during an archaeological dig.

[Archived Post]

Would you prefer the origin of her powers being tied to her archeology, then? If that's the case, saying this before I have a chance to think too deeply into it, her powers could come from a magical artifact she found on one of her expeditions. Or even multiple artifacts, one for each power, if you wanted to do it that way, granted that's a little less efficient from a real-world-logic point of view, but it would still make perfect sense and leave room for her to grow and gain more powers, if you so choose. She could be an archaeologist that travels the world, occasionally stumbling across magical artifacts that grant her power(s), in that event.

Where would she keep them? Well, maybe they magically fuse to her soul and therefore can't be stolen or lost conventionally, and their effectiveness could potentially be tied to her confidence, or emotional state.

Or, for a less wacky approach, she could just wear them as jewlery, carry them around in a pouch/bag, etc.

The beauty here is that, despite my earlier talk of greek/roman mythology, the artifacts can be theoretically be from any civilization, so if you're still holding onto your shamanism idea, you'd easily be able to incorporate that into this.

[Archived Post]

yes, would have been helpful to clarify ;P


I think you either need to expand upon the "elements" she can manifest.... or say that she is specifically "electricity" (i.e. element, not elements)

either works, but she should be Lightning's Child.... or the Daughter of the Elements.... right now, she is the first, but is called the second...



As for how she would "aquire" her abilities....Archeologists are not adventurers (Indy withstanding). It seems more unique and more interesting to say that since she aquired her abilities, she has taken up Archeology as a means of "getting away from it all" (traveling all over the world, living out of a suitcase, uncovering lost pieces of history...)

and lets break from greece and Statesman's Well of the Furies model.....



I'd like to see our Thundress bewitching Indra, King of the Deva (Gods and spirits of great power in Hindu) Though she doesnt outright deny him... she hasnt said yes yet....

To show his love (Not merely ammorus intentions, Not at all!) he has given her Marut Ahmbar, a spirit of storms and lightning as a gift. The Marut embues his mistress with preternatural strength, flight, and the ability to summon terrible displays of voltaic force.

Rather than being subdued by this gift of god-like power... Thundress uses her abilities to help out her fellow humans... reveling in the power at her disposal, and the good fortune the admiration of a God can bestow...



It adds a bit of grounding for the character... she isnt a leaf in the wind, she has her life, her hero work, and her social life thats in a constant state of chaos (being Woo'ed by a God isnt easy... especially when hes taking you to hanging gardens in the middle of the night when you have work in the AM..... not to mention what he did to that cute guy from IT who bought you starbucks.... Stupid dieties... always so jealous.)

[Archived Post]

Thanks for the continued recommendations. Tinkering around with a few ideas now.

Since it's been brought up a few times now a list of Thundress' powers:

Superstrength - Complete the physique, think Powergirl's muscle tone.

Sonic powers - Screams, vibrative shock, Vertigo, etc. [The Strength and Sonics are what brings the Thunder part of her motiff.]

Flight - Can't really have a storm elemental controller without flight, now can I? :p

Electrical Harnessing/Control - Lightening bolts, taser punches, electircal 'armor' which would repel bullets and other metallic weaponry, and generally force melee attacks to be reconsidered.

I'm also considering the super strength might have something to do with the element of earth, which could also help explain her durability rather than the electrical armor.

As Amadeus said, I plan for her to have room to 'grow' in her range of powers, hence the 'Daughter of the Elements' title. I'm not sure what further powers she might gain but I don't want to take the option away from her.

[Archived Post]

Hmmm, this is kind of a compromise between both solutions, despite not initially meaning it that way:
( again this is a rushed explanation, as I'm doing this while studying.)

Again, this is if you wanted her job so connected to the origin of her powers, but in her travels she could come across different artifacts, maybe even ancient temples, in which she finds her powers. Inhabiting each artifact/temple would be an elemental spirit of X element. Each spirit would have it's own personality, so some may try to have her prove herself to them, show them she's worthy of the power; others would be more lenient and trusting, etc.

Another possible idea to help justify the spirits' cooperation could be that she's a "Chosen One" of sorts, which could actually end up coining her title "Daughter of the Elements". Her innate, natural gift/power would be the ability to locate/sense the presence of nearby artifacts/elemental spirits.

Justification for her travels: In the world they all live in, where magic is a proven fact, it wouldn't be hard to imagine that there would be experts in the field of ancient magical artifacts, rituals, temples, etc. To justify her going to all these different places, she could be an authority in this field of study, and would therefore at times be asked to accompany new, groundbreaking expeditions in the field or what have you.

[Archived Post]

You know, this may be the most trouble I've had with creating a backstory for a character.
I've come up with 6 ideas this afternoon and scrapped them all for various reasons.
I may have finally narrowed down what I want.
Working on a quick story of it now but to give you twoa roug hrun down in case you have any input I'm currently thinking of playing off an ancient myth of how Rain Dances started.

My current notion is she gets into a car accident which totals her vehicle as a thunderstorm hits. She is thrown clear of the accident and seeks shelter in a nearby cave till the storm passes and she can get a signal on her cell. In the cave she finds wall paintings depicting a storm and dancers. She's cold and wet and she needs to warm up. She's had training in dance as a girl, so she decides it's as good a way as any to try and warm herself up.

This invokes an ancient rite, empowering her with the spirit of earth and storms [hence being in a cave during a thunderstorm].

Alternatively roomie suggested her powers could be hereditary, passed from mother to daughter, so it could be sort of a mystic blessing on her family that allows it.
I also considered that this could actually go right along with the cave idea, the cave incident could just be what brought her powers to the surface.

Thoughts, feedback, suggestions?

[Archived Post]

a little too coincidental for my blood...... perhaps if the cave was on her family's property somewhere... that it was someplace she'd always gone to feel safe (maybe home life wasnt all roses?)

then if she ends up there after a terrible accident, it feels more like fate, than coincidence.



this one's going to come down to personal aesthetics, I think... you definately seem to want her powers to be perminantly grafted onto her... i.e. more States than Green Lantern.
I like the native slant... but you've bult up Daisy Duke in your inital story, and your general discription...
that doesnt strike me as shamanistic native... not even witch doctor...

I'd be worried about trying to smash too many ideas into one character... there's plenty there for many characters... main characters my be complicated people but they're easy to understand, to relate with.... you want to be wary of making "who she is" too complex for readers to get behind...

[Archived Post]

this one's going to come down to personal aesthetics, I think... you definately seem to want her powers to be perminantly grafted onto her... i.e. more States than Green Lantern.
I like the native slant... but you've bult up Daisy Duke in your inital story, and your general discription...
that doesnt strike me as shamanistic native... not even witch doctor...

I'd be worried about trying to smash too many ideas into one character... there's plenty there for many characters... main characters my be complicated people but they're easy to understand, to relate with.... you want to be wary of making "who she is" too complex for readers to get behind...


Fair point there, I do want to avoid having her come across to heavy handed in the back story department.

I am definitely going for a permanent powers deal. Much more a fan of that than the 'items of power' concept. I am curious where the Daisy duke part comes across?
I want to get rid of that ASAP; unless of course that's just the impression gleaned simply by her manner of speech in which case I suppose I can just chalk it up to how everyone seems to assume if you've got a southern accent you're automatically a simple country type. :p

Gods knows it's made people under estimate me before based on my voice. On the other hand, if some part of her attitude implied that I definitely need to work on it. Part of the humor I'm wanting to work into her is to have a smart woman with that southern drawl because everyone seems to think drawl = dumb and I want to counter act that perception.

[Archived Post]

As for your last post about the cave, it does seem semi-weird that there would be one anywhere near where you'd get into a car accident, unless it ended up with her rolling off a cliff or something, which probably wouldn't end with her having super powers as much as it would a broken...everything... lol

That's an easy fix though, if you turn the car accident into an accident on a camping trip. She could have gone camping on her own as a little personal retreat or something, gone kayaking and run into some rough waters in which her kayak is smashed and she's lucky enough to get out without anything broken (bumps and bruises would be a different story). On her long trek back to her car (the rough waters happened pretty far downstream from where she parked?), a storm starts up. She figures it's still a good distance away, and finds a cave along the way. She takes shelter in it and blah blah blah, you basically said the rest. Next day she makes it back to her car and all is well.

As for the Daisy Duke thing, I don't remember getting that impression, I'd have to read it again to be sure. However, assuming she did come off that way, that could end up just being a ploy on her part when confronts villains, to give them the ol' false sense of security. That would be passable since a good majority, if not the entirety of your story so far was in the presence of Vorlock and the press.

[Archived Post]

just a combination of statements:
"One of those supers who loves what she does, cares about people, will face any foe with a confident smile, that sort of thing. "

combined with
"“Parhdon me, sir.” Strong reply in a soft southern drawl. “You’re interruptin’ the convention!”
and
" “I’ll take him outta here and y’all can get back to your convention. Ah do hope you won’t let this spoil your opinion of Union City, we’d certainly be pleased ta see y’all back again next year. Ai promise, next time, it won’t get interrupted by yoohoos that look like they stepped out of a Flash Gordon serial.”


nothing wit or intelligent to break the stereotype, just the sunny south and a "perky" disposition. Daisy Duke, competent, clever, gorgeous, and "Southern Belle" tattooed on her forehead.


if you want to break a stereotype, you have to really break it.

[Archived Post]

just a combination of statements:
"One of those supers who loves what she does, cares about people, will face any foe with a confident smile, that sort of thing. "

combined with
"“Parhdon me, sir.” Strong reply in a soft southern drawl. “You’re interruptin’ the convention!”
and
" “I’ll take him outta here and y’all can get back to your convention. Ah do hope you won’t let this spoil your opinion of Union City, we’d certainly be pleased ta see y’all back again next year. Ai promise, next time, it won’t get interrupted by yoohoos that look like they stepped out of a Flash Gordon serial.”


nothing wit or intelligent to break the stereotype, just the sunny south and a "perky" disposition. Daisy Duke, competent, clever, gorgeous, and "Southern Belle" tattooed on her forehead.


if you want to break a stereotype, you have to really break it.

Hmm. I guess there's nothing I can do about that then. That really doesn't make me think Daisy Duke at all, so I suppose in that case it's just personal view point rather than the general writing. Thanks for the observation though, Ghost, it is something I'll want to keep in mind.

Oh, and I like that camping idea Amadaeus, thanks, I'm running with that one!

[Archived Post]

Hmm. I guess there's nothing I can do about that then. That really doesn't make me think Daisy Duke at all, so I suppose in that case it's just personal view point rather than the general writing. Thanks for the observation though, Ghost, it is something I'll want to keep in mind.

Oh, and I like that camping idea Amadaeus, thanks, I'm running with that one!

Hey there man. Just chipping in my two cents.

1.) One of my main characters is a female super-genius from the deep South. So I understand trying to have a Southern character with a respectable intellect

2.) I'm from Georgia, my girlfriend is from rural SC. I'll be graduating soon with honors with a Pre-Med degree in Public Health Science. She'll be graduating with honors with a double degree in Biological sciences and Botany. We BOTH get shunned all the time by people from up North, simply because of the way we talk. Unfortunately, the stigma of "dumb redneck" is still around today. It definitely requires an extra effort to make people see past the fact that I say things a little slower and a little more country. You're going to have to make sure she comes across as capable and throws off the stigma some people associate with the gorgeous southern accent.



If you've ever watched the original Dukes of Hazzard show, Daisy was VASTLY different from Jessica Simpson's rendition. Daisy is smart and resourceful, ever so polite, and an incredibly sweet girl, with a gifted tongue. She could sweet talk when she needed to. Jessica Simpson came across as a bimbo.

[Archived Post]

thanks Sug.. im glad you knew who I was talking about... actually I saw a potential 5th to your team, but didnt wanna say anything out of turn ;P

[Archived Post]

Hey there man. Just chipping in my two cents.

1.) One of my main characters is a female super-genius from the deep South. So I understand trying to have a Southern character with a respectable intellect

2.) I'm from Georgia, my girlfriend is from rural SC. I'll be graduating soon with honors with a Pre-Med degree in Public Health Science. She'll be graduating with honors with a double degree in Biological sciences and Botany. We BOTH get shunned all the time by people from up North, simply because of the way we talk. Unfortunately, the stigma of "dumb redneck" is still around today. It definitely requires an extra effort to make people see past the fact that I say things a little slower and a little more country. You're going to have to make sure she comes across as capable and throws off the stigma some people associate with the gorgeous southern accent.



If you've ever watched the original Dukes of Hazzard show, Daisy was VASTLY different from Jessica Simpson's rendition. Daisy is smart and resourceful, ever so polite, and an incredibly sweet girl, with a gifted tongue. She could sweet talk when she needed to. Jessica Simpson came across as a bimbo.

While not nearly as intense as your experience, I can't tell you how many times I was asked if I liked hockey, or especially if I spoke fluent french, just because I'm canadian and happen to have a french last name (went to high school in the states). I laughed to myself every damn time. :p

@ Ghost: Aha, that makes your last comment make much more sense. Admittedly I was confused because, having never watched the show or movie, I always just figured her character was the stereotype.

[Archived Post]

Oh I do know well the real Daisy from the original show. I quite like her actually. Rereading the first story, I can see how one might get the Daisy Duke vibe. Tomorrow I'll just set the back story aside for a bit and hammer out a quick story to spot light Thundress the way I did Vorlock, that should help identify her personality alot more.

Still, even before all this I was struggling with it, and now I'm struggling alot more with the idea of whether I even want her to have that accent. As I think about it, it might be more fitting to have the accent be a 'slip up' sort of thing!
I mean, I don't always talk like some southern gentry, it just comes out when I get fired up about something. I could probably maintain the southern roots to her just through the phrases she uses, I wouldn't have to make her lay on the thick dialect. It could just be something that comes out when somebody really ticks her off. It could act as a warning flag of sorts, if she starts talking like Rogue or Daisy Duke it's time to get out of her way! :p

[Archived Post]

not a bad idea at all

[Archived Post]

haha Actually, I quite like that idea. Makes her seem human in a way that lets you know there's going to be funny situations to come out of it eventually.

Also, I just thought of this while writing, but that actually creates some symmetry between her and Vorlock. In your story the reporters commented on his tendency to slip in and out of his own accent, which in turn, got him angry and made for a comedically entertaining scene.
Thundress has the accent deal as well, though her anger is the warning sign, as opposed to the result. Granted, comments on it probably wouldn't help the situation either. :p

Either way...neither of them would be too happy for a third party to comment on this being a similarity between them. But you didn't hear that from me. ;)

[Archived Post]

writing in an accent can be distracting anyway and its much easier and more impactfull to throw it in at key moments ( be they dramatic or comedic )

as far as the character not coming across shamanistic .. if the powers are geneticly pased down then the girl could quite honestly be unaware of her heritage I know you are probably running with the camping trope :) but honestly a near death experience is just as overused and makes a nice catalyst it depends on if the story is one of redemption or something else .. one of the first things you must ask when writing any story is what are you really trying to say. many hero storys are about redemption and thats why the near death. spiderman wears his motivation on his sleeve with uncle ben power blah blah. superman is a metaphor for idealism so on and so forth.

[Archived Post]

The focal point here was supposed to be the events surrounding her stay in the cave, whatever those'll turn out to be. The whole accident aspect was just in there as a logical means of getting her into that cave.

I didn't even consider that the accident itself would be seen as the central point. Interesting perspective.

[Archived Post]

The focal point here was supposed to be the events surrounding her stay in the cave, whatever those'll turn out to be. The whole accident aspect was just in there as a logical means of getting her into that cave.

I didn't even consider that the accident itself would be seen as the central point. Interesting perspective.

It was indeed!
Hyperone you have demolished my writers block! I finally figured out why none of these background stories struck me as being the write one for her!
All these stories had the classic element of a hero who gains her powers through some unexpected means. That's not what I want from the character, she's not meant to be a 'with great power comes great responsibility' type, or one who does what she does out of any need for vengeance, or moral responsibility.

She's supposed to be someone who does this because she can. Someone never even thought "Hmm, how could this benefit me?" when she got her powers, she just doesn't think that way. She get her powers and immediately thinks "I could be a super hero!" just because the idea thrills her. Being able to give back to the community in a way far beyond philanthropy or charity work but instead being able to do things she never could as a normal person.

In fact, now that I'm working on it I may have it be that she SEEKS her powers, chasing the dream of being a super hero until the opportunity presents itself. Thank you SO much for helping me fit that missing piece of her personality into place. :D

[Archived Post]

It was indeed!
Hyperone you have demolished my writers block! I finally figured out why none of these background stories struck me as being the write one for her!
All these stories had the classic element of a hero who gains her powers through some unexpected means. That's not what I want from the character, she's not meant to be a 'with great power comes great responsibility' type, or one who does what she does out of any need for vengeance, or moral responsibility.

She's supposed to be someone who does this because she can. Someone never even thought "Hmm, how could this benefit me?" when she got her powers, she just doesn't think that way. She get her powers and immediately thinks "I could be a super hero!" just because the idea thrills her. Being able to give back to the community in a way far beyond philanthropy or charity work but instead being able to do things she never could as a normal person.

In fact, now that I'm working on it I may have it be that she SEEKS her powers, chasing the dream of being a super hero until the opportunity presents itself. Thank you SO much for helping me fit that missing piece of her personality into place. :D[/COLOR]

In that case, that actually sorta helps the second problem in that last PM I sent you. Instead of trying to figure out why the spirit comes when it does, Thundress could just summon the thing on her own (not really sure how much that falls in line with wicca, though).

[Archived Post]

In that case, that actually sorta helps the second problem in that last PM I sent you. Instead of trying to figure out why the spirit comes when it does, Thundress could just summon the thing on her own (not really sure how much that falls in line with wicca, though).

Ah don't worry about all that now. I finally figured out what I needed to. I've gotta work on a philosophy paper but once I've got the time I'll hammer out the idea I've come up with and toss it your way to get some feedback. :)

[Archived Post]

Ah don't worry about all that now. I finally figured out what I needed to. I've gotta work on a philosophy paper but once I've got the time I'll hammer out the idea I've come up with and toss it your way to get some feedback. :)
Alrighty then.

[Archived Post]

I love watching new ideas explode out of artists ... I missed my calling I think

[Archived Post]

you're welcome to join up ;P

seriously... its always nice to have a bit of a BrainTrust running around here, able to help out when people need a little inspiration :D

[Archived Post]

you're welcome to join up ;P

seriously... its always nice to have a bit of a BrainTrust running around here, able to help out when people need a little inspiration :D

lol... 2 members and one invite, with 3 people helped so far, and the thread is just under 3 weeks old.
We might as well make a super-group, at the rate we're going. :rolleyes:

[Archived Post]

Now that I've discovered the thread I'd be happy to help others out too. :)

Finally working on the story.. Just deleted two pages of it because I realized it was pointless filler for something that didn't need to be that long. Hopefully I'll have it done within an hour or so.

[Archived Post]

Sounds good.

As a bit of a heads up for anyone this concerns, starting pretty much right now I'm going to be doing more last-ditch-effort intensive studying for my SOC final tomorrow night, and on Friday I'll be leaving for home and won't actually arrive there until sometime on Saturday. My point being, after posting this I'm not going to have any chance to keep up with the forums until I'm home on Saturday.

So until then, happy writing. :)

[Archived Post]

Ya'll know me... Im always around ;)

[Archived Post]

Ya'll know me... Im always around ;)

Yeah well where's more to the stories you've been writing then!? I wanna know more about those characters! :p

[Archived Post]

Aaaand I'm back. :cool:

[Archived Post]

Aaaand I'm back. :cool:

Get out, we don't need you anymore! You left us! You ditched us! Well we moved on, we survived without you! Your reign of tyranny has ended!

... I'm sorry, I'm a bit over the top.

Hey it's midnight and I just drank about half a pitcher of sweet tea, what do you want from me?! :eek:

[Archived Post]

Get out, we don't need you anymore! You left us! You ditched us! Well we moved one, we survived without you! Your reign of tyranny has ended!

... I'm sorry, I'm a bit over the top.

Hey it's midnight and I just drank about half a pitcher of sweet tea, what do you want from me?! :eek:


sweet ? what too obvious ?

I am about to go there myself about start my grave shift ... *lines up the energy drinks*

[Archived Post]

sweet ? what too obvious ?

I am about to go there myself about start my grave shift ... *lines up the energy drinks*

I told y'all I'm from the south dammit. I don't care what you boys say. There's tea, there's tea and then there's sweet tea, and yes they are different just like biscuits and dumplings! :p

[Archived Post]

Hmmm, thank you for the warm (?) welcome, Chiro. So how's your origin story coming along? Mind if I take a look at it when it's done? I'm curious to see what came out of all of this, even if none of my influence ends up making it in.

[Archived Post]

I told y'all I'm from the south dammit. I don't care what you boys say. There's tea, there's tea and then there's sweet tea, and yes they are different just like biscuits and dumplings! :p

Alas, they will never understand Chiro. It's their loss, not ours...

[Archived Post]

Alas, they will never understand Chiro. It's their loss, not ours...

Damn straight! :o

And Amadaeus, I've posted the story just now here on the forums. :)

Here's the LINK! (http://forums.champions-online.com/showthread.php?t=5156)

[Archived Post]

I told y'all I'm from the south dammit. I don't care what you boys say. There's tea, there's tea and then there's sweet tea, and yes they are different just like biscuits and dumplings! :p


I was making a comment about sweet as in the characteristic .. my humor is often misunderstood so I will forgive you. I know a lil about sweet tea even though I live in seattle

[Archived Post]

Good stuff Chiro. Nice to see that you were able to incorporate a lot of the stuff that you wanted to in the end.

[Archived Post]

Good stuff Chiro. Nice to see that you were able to incorporate a lot of the stuff that you wanted to in the end.

Thanks, Amadaeus!
It took alot of rewriting but I'm really thrilled with the way it turned out. Even better than I expected, and a real reflection of the mindset behind the character. I hope to do a series of shorter fics soon. Little one shots to help give more of a time line feel, sort of the Prologue to CO.

[Archived Post]

thats kind of what I am working on .. a series of fast one shots to set the feel for my characters

[Archived Post]

ok well i came with this story off the ass so help bear with me and please offer some incite thanks


Name: William (no last name yet)
hero name: Samurai Will
Mother: daughter of a yakuza leader in japan
Grandfather: Mitsuhide fugiwara
Father: Some sort of African military man



(ok this is more just thoughts and notes i came up with so yeah )


mom left to America with father
father died in a street robbery trying to protect his family
it was a set up by her father for marrying a black man also for leaving japan
she went back to japan
she was made to kill herself to gain honor back
will was told his parents died ??????? (not sure how they said they died yet)
learned the was of the samurai from his grandfather
when he turned 17 he found out how they really died (by a love interest maybe)
ran away and continued his training with a old hermit
mitsuhide went to america to build his yakuza there
9 yrs later Will went to america to bring down the yakuza and kill his grandfather
this is what will will look like
http://s286.photobucket.com/albums/ll86/willz916/

[Archived Post]

Oh. You moved here. Guess I'll have to repost:

These are good questions I used to ask myself (forced to more accurately by my teacher) whenever I had to create or portray a character.

What are they like?

Where did they come from?

What kind of mannerisms do they possess?

In your case, I'll include these and give a little of my input:

Why did his mother move to America?

His father's an African soldier? Does that shape Will in anyway or did you need an excuse to give Will dreadlocks? :)

Does Will's mother really need to fly all the way to Japan to kill herself? Kidnapped, tortured, and murdered sounds so much cooler. Or how about, kidnapped, tortured and forced to kill herself at gunpoint and Will is sent to his grandfather who I'm just assuming lives in Japan and he runs away living on the streets of Tokyo until an old hermit finds him, feeds him and teaches him to fight.

Street robbery killing? Hey could work. Make sure you can tie his father's killers to his mother's family through a logical story. I'd think that if a Yakuza boss was really upset about his daughter's marriage he'd order a more elaborate execution.

How did the Yakuza boss wind up in America? Seems like a lot of back and forth travel for these people. Always give a reason. Hey, maybe he has connections in America. The same connections he used to kill Will's father. Dun, dun, duuuuuun!


Honestly, I wouldn't try so hard to help you out if the potential for this story wasn't so juicy. You've got a good setup. Just work on the background a little.

[Archived Post]

cool thanks man good info for me but yeah well i was on the can and i thought of it lol

[Archived Post]

ok here is a revamp


Name: William (no last name yet)
hero name: Samurai Will
Mother: daughter of a yakuza leader in japan
Grandfather: Mitsuhide fugiwara
Father: Some sort of African military man (spy for africa on importing drugs and needed hard evidence to get him)
but fell in love with his daughter but mitsuhide found out



(ok this is more just thoughts and notes i came up with so yeah )


mom left to America with father to get away from her fater was scared when she found out she was preg and was told never to

see him again so she left japan with him
father died in a street robbery set up by mitsuhide trying to protect his family mom died also she was killed first excicution style then he broke free beat up one of the robbers then the other killed him is now the second hand man of mitsuhide
will was told his parents died ??????? (not sure how they said they died yet)
he became a mute at the age of six and became a loner at the side of mitsuhide
learned the was of the samurai from his grandfather in the out skirts of osaka japan
when he turned 17 he found out how they really died (by a love interest maybe)
ran away and continued his training with a old hermit
became driven by hate and revenge
mitsuhide went to america to build on his yakuza there and to control the drug trafficing in the south (starts in ATL)
9 yrs later Will went to america to bring down the yakuza and kill his grandfather
now mitsuhide is the main drug loard in the south
wills jurney starts in city of sin las vegas streets
http://s286.photobucket.com/albums/ll86/willz916/

[Archived Post]

I have to ask... what sort of help did you want?
I mean.. you seem to have a fairly thorough outline... you'd just need to, you know... write the story.



are you worried about believability? are you looking for some "hole filling"?



what, exactly... did you need help with?

[Archived Post]

I have to ask... what sort of help did you want?
I mean.. you seem to have a fairly thorough outline... you'd just need to, you know... write the story.


thats the hard part for many of us isnt it ?

[Archived Post]

I have to ask... what sort of help did you want?
I mean.. you seem to have a fairly thorough outline... you'd just need to, you know... write the story.



are you worried about believability? are you looking for some "hole filling"?



what, exactly... did you need help with?

well i first put it up there and i got feedback so i reposted and wanted to see if there was anything else i should add like i said it just some notes while i was on the john but next week or so im gonna start the writing of the story

[Archived Post]

so.. just general feedback on the idea?


Its too complicated.
it feels Serendipitus, rather than tragic. oif COURSE your character is going to become a superhero... I mean, isnt it obvious? His dad dies because of an evil conspiracy, started by a crime lord (daredevil, to a lesser extent, spiderman), his mother dies, leaving him an orphan....
Only to have him find out in his teens that hes actually the son of (badass soldier) and (Ancient Japanese badass family), and must now head off to seek revenge.

it comes off as a derivative collection of cliche.... an interesting mix of cliches... but nothing inspired.
as was mentioned before... WAY too much travel.. and way to strong an "anime" vibe (anime is ok, but "anime-ish" isnt)



Lets break down the important elements:


Will is exceptionally well trained by his grandfather, Who is the leader of a Yakuza clan in Japan (Mitsuhide may be too well known a name, even in western cultures.. maybe see if you can find an actual Yakuza boss from days past somewhere, and make that the family name. also...swordwise, where I asume you got the name? its Fujiwara, not Fugiwara)

Unbeknownst to Will, his grandfather had his father and mother killed(likely because of the lack of honor shown by his mother, in marrying against her fathers wishes, and the unworthyness of her choice in men).

Will escapes the clutches of his Evil grandfather, and goes to america (Millennium City, specifically.. unless this is something more independant)




thats all that you have that is both relavent, and makese any sort of sense.
so, lets see where that takes us.




Ok, so, theres no reason for Will to go to America to fight the Yakuza... hes in freaking japan, why leave, they're THERE?

So, he's likely headed to America to escape (after all, After training the ultimate bad mamajama, His grandad isnt likely to be too keen having his grandson as a rival in his organization, or a threat to his life)
If Will fled Japan, then he is likely being chased by Yakuza Assassins, much more compelling and, frankly "more like a hero" than him just hunting down anonymous roughians.

His constant need to lay low, has made it imperative for him to "Blend in" and lay low in Millennium City. Not too difficult for a black-looking young man to blend in, in the shell of Detroit. But even in his low-rent district, its hard for the tall mute man with the soul of a Samurai not to affect all those around him... Becoming a hero in his community, standing up to petty thugs and drug dealers, cleaning up the few square blocks he now calls home.

until the Yakuza show up in Millennium City, in force.


Now that Will has a place to call home, he isnt going to let his past come here and destroy it.

[Archived Post]

I agree with Ghost Hack's observation.
As he said, the one thing with your current version is that it's neat but it's a little to complex. It's nothing we havent' seen before, but having so much of it at once is something we don't see often. Unfortunately as innovative as that is, it still makes it very hard to follow, there's just to much history to his history.

Stan Lee once said: "A good hero is one who's origin can be told in a paragraph."
Essentially, it's okay to have a deep history, but the bare bones of it should be pretty simple and straight forward. The ideas Hack gives are pretty damn good, and it would give this character a very Samurai-esq feel, he stands for the people because he IS one of the people.

[Archived Post]

Ok I came up with a new character(s) after watching my old X-Men cartoon tapes and I was gonna post up my idea here but I think it might be the coolest thing I've ever thought of so I'm going to PM it to Ghost Hack so nobody can "steal" it even though I dont think anyone would anyways.

[Archived Post]

-mom left to America with father to get away from her fater was scared when she found out she was preg and was told never to see him again so she left japan with him
-father died in a street robbery set up by mitsuhide trying to protect his family mom died also she was killed first excicution style then he broke free beat up one of the robbers then the other killed him is now the second hand man of mitsuhide
-will was told his parents died ??????? (not sure how they said they died yet)
-he became a mute at the age of six and became a loner at the side of mitsuhide
-learned the was of the samurai from his grandfather in the out skirts of osaka japan
-when he turned 17 he found out how they really died (by a love interest maybe)
-ran away and continued his training with a old hermit
-became driven by hate and revenge
-mitsuhide went to america to build on his yakuza there and to control the drug trafficing in the south (starts in ATL)
-9 yrs later Will went to america to bring down the yakuza and kill his grandfather
-now mitsuhide is the main drug loard in the south
-wills jurney starts in city of sin las vegas streets

Alright, first off, I agree with the other two, your ideas were originally pretty complicated and hard to follow. Your second set of notes (what I have quoted) were much more on the right track. I'll try to dissect what you wrote there and modify it a bit in the interest of keeping your original ideas as intact as possible.

I think it would make more sense if Mitsuhide had Will's parents killed before they made it to America. This flows better with your idea of him meeting his hermit and so on, since there aren't exactly too many hermit samurai in the US. After becoming orphaned, Mitsuhide takes Will under his wing and teaches him how to use a katana, leading to Will's great proficiency with it. Obviously Mitsuhide would be doing this out of interest of recruiting and using him in the Yakuza.

Eventually he finds out the origins of his parents' death by a way of your choosing, maybe during a (short) career as a Yakuza member under his grandfather? After this discovery, he becomes enraged and fueled by hatred. He tries to kill his grandfather, loses a duel, and narrowly escapes. He spends some time wandering Japan and eventually comes across the Hermit. Somehow he discovers that the hermit is the descendant of, or actually was a great samurai back in the day, so he asks to be trained so he can better his skills and defeat his grandfather. The hermit, seeing how fueled by hatred and revenge Will is, nevertheless feels sympathy for Will and trains him. In the course of his training with the katana, however, the Hermit teaches Will the code of the samurai (bushido), in an effort to calm Will's incessant hatred.

After the Hermit dubs Will's training (in both body and soul) to be complete, Will returns to his grandfather's old headquarters, only to learn that it was converted into a school (funded by his grandfather in an attempt to upkeep his good image in the public eye) and his grandfather moved to Millennium City (or Vegas if you'd still prefer, though Millennium, being a massive and state-of-the-art city, would have more potential profit in Mitsuhide's eyes) for business reasons. Will, still seeking revenge, followed suit and eventually earned enough money (martial arts tournaments? odd jobs around town?) for a plane ticket to Millennium. Because he doesn't speak english, he doesn't speak much (if at all), which would be in keeping with your "mute" concept, though obviously you can still keep him as a mute if you want.

Since he obviously doesn't initially know where his grandfather is hiding, he tries to live a normal life while he comes up with a plan. In the process though, he realizes the other troubles in the city and, in line with Ghost's idea, can't just sit by and see these things happen. A combination of his newfound drive to help others (because of the Hermit's teachings of bushido) and the potential to find his grandfather through other crime networks in the city, he vows to stop every crime he can (in order to help others, but at this point he's mainly driven to find his grandfather).

So yeah, feel free to use any (or none) of these ideas in your process of coming up with a coherent backstory for Will.

[Archived Post]

Ok Im just going to post it and yall tell me yay or nay basically.

I was watching the Phoenix Saga of the old Fox Kids X Men cartoons and I got an idea from Phoenix but its radically different. Basically my character is a manifestation or maybe a living conduit of the Alpha Centauri Star System. In my story, the two brightest stars, Alpha Centauri A and B are sentient beings of raw energy, two of countless stars in the universe that were placed as guardians of their respective galaxies by some omnipotent beings. (Idk it looks confusing on paper but it makes sense in my head so you guys can come to your own conclusion about that bit lol)

Like the Phoenix of lore, Alpha A & B's physical manifestations die and come back as a new person. The stars send their conduits to whatever world they see as in dire need of their interference. Every single time they are born as twins. Sometimes they grow up together and sometimes they are separated from each other. Even if they are seperated, the twins (boy and girl) find someway to meet each other and the two serve as champion protectors of whatever world they were born on. Every rebirth, the twins are born as the dominant species of that planet so while on Earth, they are humans. An interesting fact about the twins is that they are both mentally connected to each other, which is as you probably know is a phenomenon for a lot of real life twins. However, in this case, when one of the twins is seriously injured, the other is injured as well, albeit not as bad but still enough to be a hinderance. When one dies, so does the other.

Ok so the character that Id be playing is named Allen Porter. Being reborn and sent to Earth, he landed in a huge crater on the estate of Dr. Magnus Porter, an insanely rich scientist and heir of a huge bioweapons industrial corporation. Dr. Porter and his two sons were hunting in their backwoods in upstate New York when they heard the ear-splitting explosion and found the naked baby. After getting the baby checked ou and realizing it had no parentst, they adopted him and named him Allen Darrius Porter. Allen became the newest member of the Porter family which included a father, mother, and six siblings not to mention tens of cousins, uncles, and aunts.

Half way around the world, in a remote village near Beijing in China, Allen's twin sister landed in a lake where a peasant man was fishing. The wave from the landing knocked the man out of the boat. The little girl was floating on the surface of the water and the man quickly retrieved her and swam to the shore. News of the mysterious child spread around the village like wildfire and eventually, a government representative came to see the situation. They took the child and placed her into an orphanage where she was beaten and mistreated for the first 6 years of her life. She eventually ran away from the orphanage and began her life of solitude on the streets of Beinjing. She was named Yin Lien which can be translated into Dark Lotus by people that said she was flawlessly beautiful yet as dark and evil as they come.


So basically the two were separated and reincarnated into two different worlds. One was born into a wealthy loving family while one was born into abuse, hatred and solitude. Since the Champions game has that Nemesis thing, I was thinking maybe they could become adversaries, even though they knew they were twins. I was going to name Allen Porter "Al Centari" and Yin Lien "Nova Prime" or something like that.

Long read but anyways let me know what you think

[Archived Post]

decient idea.. but it needs some polish...
for one...Alpha Centauri is actually a system of three stars, not two :-P


I'd highly suggest, that you think of the stars as Gods..... not so much in the normal way.. but in the Marvel way.... In that they are awsomely powerful beings whos existance dictates certain courses of actions...

creation, growth, and death are good concepts... with your heroes being the twin avatars of Alpha and Beta... Proxima could become their natural enemy...

quite literally... Alpha could create matter from pure energy (seemingly creating anything, from nothing), Beta the quintessential Guardian (either protecting those who need it, through manipulating the growth of other things (nature manipulation) or as a straight up brick, Stalwart and Immovable)

And Proxima, daughter of Fate, the destroyer, harbinger of chaos, et al...




the reason for the avatars being on earth is...flimsy, at best. You offer up an idea similar to the Lanterns... interplanitary saviors...
but your Gods have a single avatar each.... making Earth WAY too important in the grand scheme of things (considering that we're assuming the Centari have no precognative abilities.... earth is a little isolated planet with no real way to even affect the greater universe)


MUCH better to have their comming to earth being an accident.... or having the twins be EARTH's personal space guardians.....




and go with Al Centari and Betty Centari ;)

cause... come on, Al and Betty rock. ;)

[Archived Post]

Ya I knew that Alpha Centauri was a three star system but Proxima is way way smaller and dimmer than the other two stars so I just focused on those two. I would say A & B are like Ego the Living Planet from Marvel. Not all powerful like Galactus but still extremely powerful on a cosmic level and highly intelligent.

Although I like the Proxima being the natural enemy. I think I actually might use that.

And you must have been reading my mind cuz as I was typing that story I had in my mind Al Centari being the CoX equivalent to a NRG/NRG Blaster/Blapper and the sister to an Invul/EM Tank.

As far as them landing on Earth, I dont know how reasonable an accident story could be constructed without it sounding corny. WHen I was making it, I wasn't thinking of the Lanterns but I could definitely see how you came about that conclusion.

[Archived Post]

anything to report, wolfe?
or did you put it on the backburner?

[Archived Post]

Ive been workin like a dog last couple days. I'm going to write up more stuff tomorrow (later today actually)

[Archived Post]

Ok new story:

The Alpha Centauri Star System consist of the three stars correct? Ok so those three stars are all gods or omnipotent beings of raw energy. Alpha A & B which we will refer to as Alpha and Beta are the twin stars (even though they aren't twin stars irl) and they basically have dominion over Proxima. Alpha and Beta as well as Proxima rule their star system and dictate certain events that go on inside it. I liked your idea of creation and growth and death so Id say Alpha creates life, Beta grows and protects life and then when Alpha and Beta deem it necessary, Proxima destroys life. So basically Alpha is the King, Beta is the Queen, and Proxima is the inferior Prince/Princess or something like that. I liked this idea cuz it gives the "gods" some human-like qualities such as jealousy and pride and stuff like that.

Anyways, Proxima grows tired of being the lackey of the twin stars and since it does not have the power alone to battle the two, it decides it is going to harness the power of the nearest star (Sol System's Sun), consume the power of it's superior siblings and destroy all life only to recreate it under it's tutelage. (Kind of convoluted but I think you can maybe straighten it out for me). Proxima sends an avatar of itself to Earth and decides to enlist the help of the genius supervillians of Earth to create a machine that'd aid Proxima in its plan.

Alpha and Beta get wind of Proxima's plan and decide to intervene, sending twin avatars of themselves to Earth, endowing them with the powers of a star.

I think Im just going to send them as teenagers instead of as babies growing up. It'd be more interesting to see them as teenagers trying to learn how to be human instead of being raised as one.

Anyways thats all I could come up with at the moment but I'll think about it more later on tonight

[Archived Post]

thanks everyone for the help i sure do use it all i accept a critism and with my open mid i will make it a great story thanks again

[Archived Post]

Nice frank... I know you're gonna think Im anal......


but is Sol the closest start to Centari? I know its the closest to US... but that doesnt mean its true both ways ;)


pick genders for your gods... it will make it a LOT easier to explain your mind..



I definately like the idea that Proxima is only allowed to do its "job" once Alpha and Beta deem it so..(;like Odin and thor telling Loki he can only cause micheif on tuesday morning beween 8 and 8:30)


evolve your evil master plan more....
Taking the power of a star.... points to something profound about your original entities....


Proxima used to be twice the size of Alpha and Beta.... but the less Twins, in eons past, joined their essence together, creating a power equal to Proxima, stealing Proxima's energy and relegating the star to a sullen red ember of its former self...


Now Proxima seeks to steal the energy of another star, to challenge its siblings for the throne... and it cares very little for any petty creature that stands in its way... even the destruction of a solarsystem is beneith its notice...

Proxima's agent, then... would be boardering on inhuman in appearance... just "normal enough" to stay under the radar, so to speak... but apathetic to the idea of truely "blending in" (as long as other humans think it is human, thats all thats important)




Now you have a much.... more "earthly" reason for A & B to send a champion to earth.... the distruction of this solar system, and the capture of its star could mean the loss of their throne.... of course they want to help out the petty little earth bipeds... they are benevolent beings, obviously...


of course, as their Avatar's live in the world, they will likely find things to love and hate about us... and may one day even protect us from ALL threats... not simply Proxima.

[Archived Post]

Idk whether Proxima should be male or female. I think I might use female cuz her jealousy and wrath sounds like what a woman would do if she was scorned or slighted in any way.

I also like your idea about Proxima having her powers stolen by Alpha and Beta and wanting to reclaim her throne.

[Archived Post]

Ok new story:

The Alpha Centauri Star System consist of the three stars correct? Ok so those three stars are all gods or omnipotent beings of raw energy. Alpha A & B which we will refer to as Alpha and Beta are the twin stars (even though they aren't twin stars irl) and they basically have dominion over Proxima. Alpha and Beta as well as Proxima rule their star system and dictate certain events that go on inside it. I liked your idea of creation and growth and death so Id say Alpha creates life, Beta grows and protects life and then when Alpha and Beta deem it necessary, Proxima destroys life. So basically Alpha is the King, Beta is the Queen, and Proxima is the inferior Prince/Princess or something like that. I liked this idea cuz it gives the "gods" some human-like qualities such as jealousy and pride and stuff like that.

Anyways, Proxima grows tired of being the lackey of the twin stars and since it does not have the power alone to battle the two, it decides it is going to harness the power of the nearest star (Sol System's Sun), consume the power of it's superior siblings and destroy all life only to recreate it under it's tutelage. (Kind of convoluted but I think you can maybe straighten it out for me). Proxima sends an avatar of itself to Earth and decides to enlist the help of the genius supervillians of Earth to create a machine that'd aid Proxima in its plan.

Alpha and Beta get wind of Proxima's plan and decide to intervene, sending twin avatars of themselves to Earth, endowing them with the powers of a star.

I think Im just going to send them as teenagers instead of as babies growing up. It'd be more interesting to see them as teenagers trying to learn how to be human instead of being raised as one.

Anyways thats all I could come up with at the moment but I'll think about it more later on tonight

You got some good elements in here, but what you lack is some tragedy. Even light tragedy will do. How about this:

Proxima, tired of being ignored of her greatness, leaves her solar system in search of a star powerful enough to crush Alpha and Beta. (Idk much about stars or solar systems but when in doubt make one up) Proxima finds that power source, returns to Alpha and Beta and seeks their destruction. Proxima is defeated, but at a terrible toll to the planet as well as Alpha and Beta. Before the final moments of life on the planet are extinguished in a firey explosion, Alpha and Beta send avatars of themselves to earth with their remaining power. The avatars have no memory of their previous life, but they start to notice they are not like everyone else. They help people, blah, blah, blah and Proxima follows them to earth and battles the two underestimating them, yadah, yadah, yadah, and the big climatic battle happens when Proxima uses the suns energy.

[Archived Post]

only problem with that, some.... is one you've pointed out yourself with "yadda yadda yadda"....


we've heard all that before... whats the point in putting some sort of "tragedy" into the story... if it comes off as trite, cliche, or fluff?



leave tragedy to the events that the chacter's themselves experence and suffer... remember, Wolfe, the Centari are just the backstory to the characters... dont let them take centerstage...

[Archived Post]

I think the ideas a grand one now that it's been so fleshed out, Frank.

And I agree with your thought that Proxima should be a female. The name sounds it to begin with, and it really ads a sort've mythic "Evil queen" element to the whole thing.

There is an age old tradition in mythologies of triple gods, often ones that balance each other out. You could have it that Proxima (as stated) is the power hungry darker member of the three, And then have A and B represent the good and the neutral elements of it. One of them would be a much more "This looks like a job for Superman!" heroic type, where as the other could be more of a "I was just in the area" sort of vigilante.

I agree with Ghost Hack regarding the aspect of tragedy. You don't need it from the start. Tragedy isn't a necessity in origins, but it can be very powerful when it comes later on in the story!

[Archived Post]

To go on the Evil Queen kind of thing, maybe Proxima could be the mother star of the twins Alpha A and B. Once a red giant of infinite power, she gave birth to twin stars kind like randomly in a "Big Bang" kind of deal or maybe just so she wouldnt be lonely. She gave part of her power to her twins Alpha and Beta and gave them a part of the solar system to rule over. Eons pass and Proxima "ages" growing weaker so she decides to devour planets to satiate her hunger, kind of like Galactus. Alpha and Beta are the more benevolent deities so they decide to rebel against their mother to stop her from destroying the trillions of sentient beings that are being annihilated by their mother's unquenchable thirst. Realizing their mother is in a weakened state, they take energy from all the worlds and combine themselves to attack their mother. After a brutal battle that destroys many worlds, they defeat their mother and leave her as a red dwarf, not successfully killing her but claiming dominion over her kingdom.

Proxima is delegated to be the "trash can" of the system, getting fed scraps of worlds that Alpha and Beta deem necessary for destruction. Proxima is not only scorned but absolutely furious that her children have betrayed her. She decides to send an agent endowed with what little power she has left to find the closest and largest energy mass to consume and bring her back to her once regal and all powerful state. The agent searches and finds the Sol System and reports to Proxima while completely staying out of the radar of her children. Agent goes to Earth to obtain the technology able to harness the power of the Sun and use it as a weapon to destroy her children. Alpha and Beta become aware of the plan and realize its too late to effectively stop Proxima so they decide to create avatars of themselves and send to Earth to not only thwart their plan to destroy the Sol System but to protect themselves as well. The avatars have no idea who they are as to secure their anonymity and to stay out of suspicion by the local people.

That adds a little bit of tragedy to the story I think.

[Archived Post]

only problem with that, some.... is one you've pointed out yourself with "yadda yadda yadda"....


we've heard all that before... whats the point in putting some sort of "tragedy" into the story... if it comes off as trite, cliche, or fluff?



leave tragedy to the events that the chacter's themselves experence and suffer... remember, Wolfe, the Centari are just the backstory to the characters... dont let them take centerstage...

The "yaddas" were more of a fill in the blank type of thing. I'm not one on one with this story on a personal level. It's up to the author to flesh it out. And who says tragedy is cliche? I still get watery eyes watching some of the later works of Shakespeare and I've held back lots of tears for Green Mile and John Q. Tragedy can put people on the same level with you. If you have a larger than life person whose untouchable, above pain, above misery, it doesn't leave much open for inner conflict or relatibility. Add some turbulence to the ride and it kicks them off that high horse and sends them crashing down to earth. It makes people go, "Oh how sad. I wonder what will happen next." If everything was happy-go-lucky it'd be repetitive and stale. Which do you think is more interesting? The perfect family or a dysfunctional one? Same goes for constant tragedy. It'll get stale if all the main character does is mope.

But more off to the point of my original post. I just felt there isn't really much of a reason for Alpha and Beta to send avatars of themselves to earth without the death of the original incarnations. Why not just go to earth themselves and deal with Proxima? But hey, not my story. I'm just here to put in my input. Nothing more, nothing less. Whether you love it or hate it equally matters to me, but ultimately my comments were for the story. The teller of the tale could incorporate it or not, it doesn't matter. It's just my opinon of what I think he/she should do. It's like if I said, "Your story needs more sex".

And on a side note, I believe the "yaddas" were written when I was writting the "path of the hero" thing when the avatars are on earth. Not the "tragedy" angle which I did write out. You almost had me Ghost. ;) My toes must be magnetic cuz no one can ever catch me off 'em.

[Archived Post]

Well how would they go to Earth themselves, they are stars. Not only would they effectively destroy the entire Alpa Centauri System but they would destroy the Sol System as well. Thats why they send avatars. They are too powerful to deal with situations directly, they only mediate from afar.

[Archived Post]

Oh sorry 'bout that. I didn't realize they'd be so uber powerful they'd destroy the universe. LOL. Good explanation. My bad. I like the draft you did after my comment. I got the pictures in my head and everything running smoother.

EDIT: As long as you don't have the avatars say something lame like "Star Power!" you're good. Then again, that does sound good in small douses.

[Archived Post]

Oh sorry 'bout that. I didn't realize they'd be so uber powerful they'd destroy the universe. LOL. Good explanation. My bad. I like the draft you did after my comment. I got the pictures in my head and everything running smoother.

EDIT: As long as you don't have the avatars say something lame like "Star Power!" you're good. Then again, that does sound good in small douses.

Well they arent like able to destroy the entire universe but I mean imagine if two stars approximately the size of the Sun decided to come to our Solar System and just hover over Earth. It'd kill everything in its path. Thats why they send avatars. Not nearly as powerful but not nearly as dangerous to the planet either.

[Archived Post]

Dude. It's just a hyperbole. Lighten up :cool:.

[Archived Post]

I can swing with the "Matron Proxima" idea... but it needs one tweak. the last incarnation, sort of iliminates any ambiguity...
that is to say, you turned A&B back into Super Good Guys, and Proxima back into Selfish and Evil...


Take out the part where A&B are "offended" that their Matron is stealing up the energy of planets to try and sustain herself...


Rather, leave it at the point where "A&B realize their mother is weakening, and see an oprotunity to usurp her. Joining their energies together, they are able to match her in strength, and in the end take all but the dregs of her former power"




I like this stance, because it is rather original in the super hero genere.... in that, the Centari are not "good guy and bad guy".... they're embroiled in their own damned thing... interested only in reclaiming their former might (Proxima), or keeping their current power (A&B)


it is the AVATARS themselves.... who eventually become hero and villain... that they transend their "orders" and become more noble, and more villainous than their creators. they, in a sense, aquire Souls of their own... and one day may even choose to fight to protect Earth for its own rights, rather than simply because A&B told them too... (well after Proxima's Chosen has been destroyed and A&B back home have rubbed her nose in it laughing and putting ice down the back of her shirt.)

[Archived Post]

Ok that sounds cool.

For the avatars, I was going to make Al a boy and Beta a girl. Proxima's agent is going to be a woman. I think making the agent a woman will make her more cunning and able to use her beauty to manipulate the men in power to do her bidding. Plus there is nothing worse than getting beat up by a chick.

I made a picture of Al using this Portuguese Hero Maker. Its really cool, looks like Timm style a bit.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/Kento_Jade/AlphaCentari.png

[Archived Post]

Going with the humanoid but not quite human aspect for the Proxima Avatar. Sort of like a femme fatale from another world, still attractive but sinister.:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/Kento_Jade/Proxima.png

And here is Beta Centari. I figure I'd let Al be the more flamboyant , hot-headed, fire-on-all cylinders kind of character while Beta would be the level-headed, nobler, classic brick of the twins. :

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/Kento_Jade/BetaCentari.png

I figure have Proxima use fire since nothing can destroy faster than a wildfire untamed. Proxima being the more brash, egomaniaca,l wrathful, "How Dare You Defy Me?!!!" kind of queen, fire and brimstone seemed to be perfect for her.

[Archived Post]

not my personal style... but it definately works, imo...


where did you find that hero creator, it looks pretty cool (and it is TIMM)

[Archived Post]

http://www.iniciative.com.br/edu/heroomatic/fabrica.swf

Its in Portuguese but its really cool to see your characters in TIMM style.

I originally wanted to make them as like teens/children but they dont have that feature yet so I just made them as 17, 18 year olds. But in the story they are going to be like 15 or 16 years of age in appearance.

[Archived Post]

The same hero creator is in English at this link:

http://www.ugo.com/channels/comics/heromachine2/heroMachine2.asp

[Archived Post]

nice thread.

I'm working on an origin. Still abit lost on the Powers and such. As well, I don't want to F up the back story by getting World History ncorrect.

[Archived Post]

I hear you on that. I know what powers and somewhat of a backstory for my main hero, but not sure if to make him Meta human or mutant.

The backstory I have for him now is like he used to be a orphan due to both his birth parent dying when he was 6, but then someone finds him ten years later and makes him a heir to his family fortune. But since he never knew what any of his aunts, uncles or even caretakers are like, he's been pretty much distant when it comes to grand balls and things like that. Character wise he's shy, easily angered but hides it well with his humor. He also is a bit of a aggresor when it comes to beating down evil, or at least when it comes to ending a brawl quickly, he's the guy to go to beforehand. He's 5'7 but built like a linebacker for a football team. Attending a high school he "assumes" he's supposed to start things over with both his newfound family and his life as a pre-multi-millionaire. But that's the idea I have running in my head if he's a metahuman.

If I make him mutant he'll most definately be known as a underground walking battery sapper who can mask his powers with his attitude towards anyone around him. He was supposed to sneak into a mega-mall and drain the battery so his friends can go go inside and raid it for several hours, but one of the people he grew up with ratted him out to the police via payphone and caused him to get caught. Now he's forced to choose between trying to skip the state and start anew somewhere else, or do what his probation officer wants him to do, which is to "try and make something more of yourself instead of being a walking jumper cable."

Also I'm trying to find a website that'll let me make a hero a post a link somewhere. Unfortunately I don't know how to make a certain file or anything of the sort, so if anyone knows a way and have time to explain it to me or be able to draw him for free (don't trust online checks or online credit card [whatever they're called, like paypal] sites) I'll be very grateful. Also to those who can draw him I'll certainly try to find a way to repay you back, and that's my honest word (sorry for making this post long as hell).

[Archived Post]

nice thread.

I'm working on an origin. Still abit lost on the Powers and such. As well, I don't want to F up the back story by getting World History ncorrect.

Ask, NTel.... thats what this thread is for... lots of people here can help with different World History topics, help you keep your facts straight...



and Rayze... what do you mean "mutant or Meta-human?"....
thats a bit like saying "luthren or christian"
they arent mutually exclusive.
A meta- human is literal, its anyone with abilities beyond normal human possibility (i.e. batman/ironman are not meta-humans)
however, unlike "mutant", Meta-human discribes ANY method of granted powers (science experiment gone wrong, being an alien... that sort of thing)




your story has some obvious flaws at the moment... you have a Wayne complex right off the bat, but then you're adding in this story about how he was running around with "undesirables" robbing places....

the two dont mesh, and they're both cliche. pick one or the other... or make them unique somehow.
____________________



ok, everyone's gonna have a character who's rediculously rich for no good reason ("Hero" is practically synonimous with "independant wealth")
so.... maybe scratch that idea.... its easily the weakest point of your ideas so far. Ivory towers, in general, suck nuts. (unless its a villain)


If hes going to be a basically normal human, with training and/or gadgets... figure out how/why he would become that way as an orphaned child, in foster homes growing up (were they good? bad? supportive? game him a hard knock lesson in "right and wrong"?)

if hes a mutant.... has that made it hard for him to feel "normal"? how did his parents die, does he blame himself/his abilities?.... has he tried to keep his powers hidden so people will think hes normal... has it worked?


Its easy to understand why a 6-10 year old with super powers would quickly become a gang member (evil or begnin).... a sense of family and belonging, a feeling of value, being able to bring something important and necessary to the group....

it works MUCH better if hes still a youth at the time.... 15 or younger...
think of it, perhapse... like a modern oliver twist...

but dont give him the perfect ending, with wealth and servents galore...





give him a real happy ending... a family that cares about him, and loves him for who he is as a person, and what he could become...
because thats whats important..... not money.

[Archived Post]

Well I think I finished the intro to my story but I might rewrite it cuz I just thought up a new way to tell it. I might post it so I can get some feedback and yall tell me which would work better..

[Archived Post]

sounds good

[Archived Post]

looks like I got some rewriting to do. I really had no clue that I had to think about that kind of stuff when it comes to writing. I guess before I bring up another back story I need to think about some of the stuff if not most of the stuff you said in your post. Thanks alot.

[Archived Post]

no no... dont be discouraged....
never forget that many great characters had utterly silly "origins"


getting bit by a radioactive spider is just absurd.... but we roll with it, because, come on.. hes fricking spiderman.





Dont ever, EVER, feel like you "have to" meet some community standard on back stories... far from it... I simply assumed that posting your ideas up here was a request for aid... if it wasnt wanted, I do appologize.
it will ever remain YOUR characters backstory... if you could care less if its been done before (or even BECAUSE its been done before, as an homage {I know someone in COV who created a "SHAZAM" character based around the Cthulu mythos})
then tell us all to go hang, and write the back story YOU want...
...hell you can still ask for writing help ("Hey, I dont want to change the story at all, but Im not the best writer, could you help?")


it is ALWAYS entirely up to you.... I, WE, are here to help community members who want it, for ideas on how their character "came to be", on their life before hero work.... on just making the story they have sound cooler, more authentic, more "comic booky"... whatever.



dont ever feel like I, or anyone else helping her, am "shooting down" your character idea.... that really isnt my intent. :-/

[Archived Post]

Could I post or link to a few of my ideas thus far? Think I want help on my alien and cybernetic characters stories...

EDIT: Three characters actually, a robot, an alien, and a mage-type guy...two mage-type guys...four?

...Think I'll just start with advice on my robot...if that's ok?

[Archived Post]

you dont need to ask, Mony

[Archived Post]

no no... dont be discouraged....
never forget that many great characters had utterly silly "origins"


getting bit by a radioactive spider is just absurd.... but we roll with it, because, come on.. hes fricking spiderman.





Dont ever, EVER, feel like you "have to" meet some community standard on back stories... far from it... I simply assumed that posting your ideas up here was a request for aid... if it wasnt wanted, I do appologize.
it will ever remain YOUR characters backstory... if you could care less if its been done before (or even BECAUSE its been done before, as an homage {I know someone in COV who created a "SHAZAM" character based around the Cthulu mythos})
then tell us all to go hang, and write the back story YOU want...
...hell you can still ask for writing help ("Hey, I dont want to change the story at all, but Im not the best writer, could you help?")


it is ALWAYS entirely up to you.... I, WE, are here to help community members who want it, for ideas on how their character "came to be", on their life before hero work.... on just making the story they have sound cooler, more authentic, more "comic booky"... whatever.



dont ever feel like I, or anyone else helping her, am "shooting down" your character idea.... that really isnt my intent. :-/

No, it's cool. I usually do need some help when it comes to writing a backstory and thought since some have been already made, then if you find one you like take it and re-fit it to fit your character. Although I was wondering about the whole meta-human and mutant origins ( glad you cleared that up in a few lines ), but I guess if I really want to have a bit more "creativity" I should rethink on how he was growing up.

And I usually don't care if anyone is "shooting down" my idea. I know it may or may not need some work, or maybe just need to done over, but long story short a opinion matters no matter how "sacastic" you can be.

[Archived Post]

I'm supposed to ask people though. o.o

Any who, really don't have much for her yet aside from a rough and albeit crappy outline.

The thing about the robot is that she isn't quite a hero so much as inclined towards the helping of others to her capacity...which i guess that's all a hero does...but they do it in a more heroic sounding way...

Designed and engineered as a test bed for not only the integration of mechanic structures into the human being, but enhanced performance via genetic mutation to harmonize transference (mumbo jumbo for she's genetically engineered to be fully capable of integrating with computers because her brain has an alternate function that encodes signals in a format machines understand). As this was an illegal operation that was done by siphoning off money from corporate funding, the employees involved were arrested and put on trial. Not wanting the fact that anyone had gone so far as to manipulate the human gene and play god with another's life, the govt. found it suitable to keep everything hush and destroy all evidence, including the genetically engineered subject.

Knowing their failure, the employees decided to at least rescue the being spawned from their research. Prior to a trial, one of the employees managed to escape while the others made a diversion. The employee broke into evidence and stole the engineered subject, backing up all their research data onto her before setting her loose. The data being carried was put under a cipher so that the information couldn't fall into the wrong hands if they find out about the subject's abilities. Hence the name Cipher Alesco, alesco meaning "to grow up" in latin.

Cipher's only given command before release was to fabricate a life with which she could watch others and learn about people, while keeping low so no one may find her. This resulted in her being adopted and being raised by a family who were former friends of the now condemned employees. After learning a suitable amount from the family, she was allowed to join public school in order to observe and learn human habits from assumably normal people.

[Archived Post]

so.... is she a wetware Gynoid or a cyborg?
your discription is both vauge and confining, Mony....


shes a bit like Vici (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_Wonder_(TV_series)), so far... especially the adoption and prime directive to "fit in"....


I'd definately like to see some of River Tam show up in her character though....
You discribe her as a living hardpoint frame for cutting edge ideas involving bio-electonic integration....

but was it all just "functionality?"
that is to say... were they only testing the possibilities of making wetware work?


....or did the project have a particular goal? (in the hero world, this would include things like... mind controled weapons, super soldiers, cryptography, super spies.... etc)





see, if they have a goal (and a name like Cipher leads me to believe there was a goal)... then the engineers may have given her an overriding "current objective".... but her hard code, her functionality would have the capability, if not possibility to break loose of that override code (since she is not, strictly speaking, all machine...)
at first, this would be a dangerous outcome....



...but as time progressed, and the character began to aquire.... attachement, understanding, a desire to "belong".... as she aquired a conscience.......

this breaking of her override code would, infact, be the cause of her hero work.... to use her hardwired abilities to further her *personal* goals of "friends" or "family" or "community".... even at the risk of exposing herself.



to, in a sense... become selfless.





Selflessness is something inherant in a "Hero".... without selflessness, its impossible to be a hero. for most hero types, this is a mantle taken on, or born with...
for Cipher, it is something desired, learned, aquired.... something that she becomes, because she wants to (which, as you can imagine, is a pretty big concept for a living machine.)

[Archived Post]

Yeah, I'm aware that is a pretty vague description overall, it was the only thing I really have on hand though. >.<

The thing I was trying to address was, because I'm a stickler for hard science and making things at least making sense on a theoretical level, the fact that the biggest issue currently barring cybernetics is the inability to communicate with electronics on any detailed or meaningful level.

What we have thus far achieved is the ability to utilize electrochemical reactions, to jolt certain parts of a robotic device to make it react. Like with the cybernetic prosthesis we now have, the actual information being used to move the are are from sensors and electrochemical reactions given off in the muscles across out chest and back, not the original nerves to the arm.

What this really means is that we have managed to build a workaround to the cybernetic problem so far, but no real solution. The only current solution we have, biologically engineered "chips", are still quite a ways off from becoming a reality. The only other solution we have, re engineering the human body itself, is illegal. It also poses several problems in that we don't have enough expertise in engineering with the human body as well as the moral issues of tampering with another's life.

With Cipher, I intended her as a genetically and surgically engineered human that was literally modified to have additional "sub-brains" which were built to "think" the way a computer processes information. The computer parts would be both contemporary bio-chips as well as traditional electronics.

The bio-chips would be used to help translate information between the traditional brain and the sub-brains, which would then communicate with the traditional electronics to do whatever the given command was.

The only other mechanics built into Cipher's body would be a underlying surgical replacement of most of her organic parts that might be liable to deteriorate under the stress from both atrophy as well as the surgery being constantly done to her neural structure. this resulted in a replacement of most of her inner body, the bone structure being replaced with a more rigid and modular structure, titanium with an expanded copper core. This skeletal structure was also used as a rudimentary system to manage the other electronics in her body.

As far as her energy source, that is actually still based on the human way of gathering energy, but altered to work on a much wider spectrum and much smaller scale, as well as having alternative methods of energy generation. Having a core system that takes any incoming particles and breaking them down using short wave ionization to charge the particles and make them react, this is a somewhat inefficient as you have to have enough particles that can be forced to react to give off enough of a charge to counterbalance the energy it cost to start the reaction, and therefore backup way ot generating energy.

Her other methods of gathering energy would be solar via modified skin(which I have been debating if her skin got replaced for electro active polymers layered with engineered chlorophyll cells under a shock absorbent outer shell), transferred force (more or less the system used by the powered legs on the HULC from the Darpa program, the one that can run for 20 hours before recharge, obviously exaggerated in this case to be slightly more efficient and span across more of the body), and electromagnetic fields (in this case, the fact that all objects give off energy is used as the premise that although this won't be enough energy to power Cipher alone, it ensures that she will never just go off line and stay off line). Her battery system would be a mix of organic electrochemical as well as electric storage, allowing for transference of backup energy to any necessary part be it mechanical or organic in a moments notice. Her other source being a high density radioactive core is based on the principles drawn up about stars, being turned into a self contained solar reactor, though due to it's size and density is highly regulated and has a low power output. This makes the reactor last a long time but not efficient for high activity.

Her body really wasn't designed as a powerhouse or anything, really only averaging out to a normal person in terms of actual strength output and such, though she has great agility and almost limitless endurance.

Because of the electronics and the issue of safety, Cipher was also built with an energy discharge function for if any kind of electrical surge or experiment went awry. This allows her to transfer energy through her power systems and release it through multiple nodes across her body, which during experiments would all be connected to grounding wires.

Aside from the wireless access points built across the collar bone, there is a hardwire access point located at the base of her neck that can be connected to a universal hub that she keeps on her.

Aesthetically there were several options based solely on the creators preference, namely being the glowing bits, hair/eye color, and apparent gender. They actually utilized the glowing lines put in all around her body to test different parts of her mechanics, turning it into a system checker as well as an activity monitor. The neon blue hair and eyes were simply a style choice.

This whole thing, the intentions being to not only resolve the issues surrounding human to electronic communication, but to also evolve the human body into a integrated platform for both genetic and technological evolution, was done as a secret project as those involved had not only engineered, cloned, and surgically tampered with many individuals leading up to the creation of Cipher, but they also had completed Cipher, which pretty much stood for everything people viewed as right and wrong in terms of using technology and medical systems.

As such the company responsible was eliminated in a hostile takeover. Without any time to properly hide her or all the information they had worked on, those involved backed up all the research information and corporate information onto Cipher(putting all the information locked under a cipher >.>) and swap her quickly for a different non functioning model.

After those involved were captured Cipher and other models that were assumed to be junk were cataloged and shipped off to be destroyed, while the dummy got locked up. The last commands that Cipher was given was directly associated with survival and keeping the information safe until another group that was associated with the company could retrieve her. She was rescued then by the associated group by infiltrating the facility being used to destroy/incinerate the evidence, and once again swapping her out for a model that they had kept.

This part didn't go all that well either as those involved got caught as well, but not before spiriting Cipher off to a safe place with some of the members friends not associated with the project. Since no people directly associated with Cipher were around anymore, those that had her felt some responsibility to care for her while figuring out just what their now condemned or dead friends had left them.

EDIT: Er...yeah...that was long...

Any who, she's actually a design based on a much more complex bio-mechanical character I made before, but fount out that most people just didn't understand just what a bio-engineered networked nano-cell human interface was . :p

So, this design is more base on someone taking a human, genetically and surgically altering just about everything possible, and popping out something that straddles the defining line of man and machine, though far less of the line treading issue that I had hoped for prior.

EDIT2: Gonna link a few things to explain a few of my soft-sci theories and how they would affect this char later. Think the issue I'm having is that with as much technical information ad justification I can give, I don't quite understand the poetic side of stories...

[Archived Post]

be wary of your corporate knowlege too... this sentance stood out to me like a big neon sign:

"As such the company responsible was eliminated in a hostile takeover"



that doesnt even really make sense... Hostile takeovers occur when the "victim" has something the "attacker" wants... badly enough to persist on bidding for a company, after its board has refused to sell (even to the point of bully-buying up shares to get a controlling interest.)

its not a punishment for companies that others think are playing dirty.

_______________________________________




that being said, of course.... if someone WANTED Cipher and that project... it would give a lot of weight to future villains in her rogues gallery... it adds tension to her story, and a group of people actively LOOKING for her (rather than her creators just being paranoid)
just because the group that made her didnt necessarly have any weaponizing intent with her, others might very well have some...

you might want to take a look through some of the Champions organizations, and see if any of the villain-run ones strike you as the sort to want Cipher.





your lack of the "poetic", as you put it, is much more a fault of the author's desire to creat characters who have no understanding of the way "humans live"... its evident in your character in M-High... and this one, and then again your alien idea.

You like the idea that your character is set adrift in the world around them.. that they are clueless, and therefor must spend a good portion of their backstory standing around saying "Please, I not from your country?"



its a valid stance to make.... but you must take into account the implications of what your saying.
you've created a character who was human at some point... she was a body, was a brain.....
Shes like frankenstein's monster. she desires normalcy, reality.
but she cant get passed the "mental block" of it all....


imagine..... when you get that sense of writers block... you want to say things, you might even have ideas... but nothing comes out.
think about what that could feel like.... if you had "Life Block".. or "socialization block"...



the art of your character must like in the question "what makes us human". if you strip out our bones, our organs, hotwire our mind with micro chips so that its easier to talk to a machine than another human being.... if you take away everything that we use to define ourselves as human.... even our free will....

...are we still human...?

is there something undefinable, something intangable, that still feels, still needs, still wants.... something that cant be "uncoded" in us.
does Cipher have that something. Underneith all her technology, her rigid bones, is she still a person.... or is she now just a machine?
whether its a beating muscle or a tiny irradiating sun..... does she still have a heart?
is she still creative, inspired.. does she still dream?






very much like a machine... right now, all your dealing with is facts, her bones, her skin, her muscles, her eyes, her hair...
your background so far, has everything to do with "what" she is......
nothing at all about "who" she is.

Comic books have always been about "who" we are.....and thats where your story, your "poetry", lies.

[Archived Post]

The hostile takeover was referencing the Govt. shutting down the company, couldn't think of another way of saying they sent cops/swat in to arrest everyone and confiscate everything.

Never really thought of that habit. o.0 Granted looking at my other characters, the only one I've made recently that was human is a normal guy with MacGyver skills at using magic tricks...

Hum...
Advanced Concepts Industries, ARGENT, COIL, Bastion Alpha Security, *****ss Industries, Executive Control Solutions, Harmon Industries, Institute for Human Advancement

Cybermind, Fiacho, Halfjack, Mechanon, Stone, Franklin, Teleios, Warlord, the

Went down a list and those were the guys that sounded like they would be interested, there were a few other villains with suits and some heroes who looked like they would take interest too, but don't know if they're all ready chasing after something.

In and of herself since she wasn't designed to fight really, her most offensive abilities would be to cause an electric discharge or hack an oponents electronics if available, so the whole survival thing might just boil down to in general trying to avoid conflict.

Also tried limiting her capacity in the sense of although her ower sources run for indefinite periods, they are low output, so anything that taxes her energy supply forces her to shutdown and recouperate, which kinda means fainting might be an issue with her. How that was associated I don't know, just wanted to clarify why I chucked that much up about her power core. :p

Who she is....uh...Good question!...er...

Her actual personality I'm not really sure about, Vici, River, and Melfina (who I kinda based some of Cipher's looks on) all have a somewhat literal way of interpreting things, granted River and Mel both show deeper thinking at times with the things they say, River more so.

I would probably say, since it's a running them that does make sense in terms of having academic knowledge without human experience, that even though Cipher may feel, she is entirely unused to the concept, which makes moments where she does feel strongly rather confusing. Though the desire to emulate feelings as well as actually explore her real feelings would arise from her trying to fit in, which might actually be interesting to see how her fake displays of emotions when something doesn't really interest her or confuses her clash with her actual displays of emotion.

I would also assume that she would be coming from a more obedient kind of mentality from the research projects, becoming more independent as necessity facilitates as well as her human nature kicking in.

Think the main progression with her is going to be how her trained mechanic and obedient nature conflicts with her growing latent human nature as well as her directives.

[Archived Post]

Hmmm, sorry I haven't been around a lot lately. Started my summer job this week, so I've been doing that and doing a lot of comic reading. :p

Now that I'm in the swing of things though, I'll be available to throw some opinions in again.

[Archived Post]

hah, didnt see this post... welcome back...
and again, no need to "ask" guys, if you have a question, or want some help, just post it straight up.


we're here to help.

[Archived Post]

hah, didnt see this post... welcome back...
and again, no need to "ask" guys, if you have a question, or want some help, just post it straight up.


we're here to help.

Aw, I thought we were here to be critical and snobbish. :p

[Archived Post]

just me... you're the fun cuddly one who tells everyone that their best is "good enough" ;P

[Archived Post]

Ha, well...this is awkward...apparently I unintentionally lied by saying I'd be back when I did, but this time it's for sure, I've just been lazy and have been reading a bunch of comics so I haven't really checked in since my last post. My apologies. hehe :p

[Archived Post]

I have noticed quite a few threads asking for help, lately....


So I wanted to revive this thread. There are many people in the community willing to help, and it might cut back on clutter a little if we post all the "Requests" in one place...

[Archived Post]

I need a bit help on a cool idea of my hero becoming what he is.

Here is a picture of him I have in my mind.. Captain Sentinel (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v405/JustCaptainHooks/untitled-2.jpg)

He was created with Superman and Captain America in mind, however, I do not want to go anywhere near there origins. I do however would like him to have served in the WWII and the Cold War

NEED HELP!!!!

Edit: (maybe adding powers in there)

His powers I energy based.
Super Strength
Fly
Speed
Energy Blast
Invul.

[Archived Post]

can anyone see the link? I cant get it to show up

[Archived Post]

can anyone see the link? I cant get it to show up

Working for me. Looks like a general Superman/Cap hybrid. The strength of this one will be in the backstory.

[Archived Post]

great, something else is wrong with my computer now, I guess

[Archived Post]

I need a bit help on a cool idea of my hero becoming what he is.

Here is a picture of him I have in my mind.. Captain Sentinel (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v405/JustCaptainHooks/untitled-2.jpg)

He was created with Superman and Captain America in mind, however, I do not want to go anywhere near there origins. I do however would like him to have served in the WWII and the Cold War

NEED HELP!!!!

Edit: (maybe adding powers in there)

His powers I energy based.
Super Strength
Fly
Speed
Energy Blast
Invul.

1. Magical - Captain Sentry finds a magical amulet of Saint Germain that gives him his powers and keeps his age constant.

2. Mythical - Captain Sentry was imbued with powers by the ancient Roman goddess of justice Lustitia.

3. Mechanical - Captain Sentry is an advanced robot created by Howard Hughes and other top scientist to fight fascist enemies of the state.

4. Alien - Captain Sentry is an alien sent to earth as the first wave of an attack on the Earth. Captain Sentry turns against his commanders when he finds his own humanity among the people of earth.

5. Mutation - Captain Sentry was born as a tiny wrinkled 100 year old man. He ages backwards becoming younger as the years go by. His strange birth also seems to bestow him with unusual powers.

6. Induced Mutation - Captain Sentry was effected by the mysterious “Compound X” while defending a government science lab from nazi spies.

7. Super Science - Captain Sentry is a time traveler from the future who periodically defends the past from his nemesis, a future version of himself bent on destroying the past that created him!

[Archived Post]

2. Mythical - Captain Sentry was imbued with powers by the ancient Roman goddess of justice Lustitia.

4. Alien - Captain Sentry is an alien sent to earth as the first wave of an attack on the Earth. Captain Sentry turns against his commanders when he finds his own humanity among the people of earth.

7. Super Science - Captain Sentry is a time traveler from the future who periodically defends the past from his nemesis, a future version of himself bent on destroying the past that created him![/QUOTE]


Thank you Ghoul. Definitely got my mind turning. Love these 3 ideas. Going to play around with them.

[Archived Post]

thanks Gouley... its hard for me to be astounding when I cant even see the source materal :-/

[Archived Post]

I'm happy to help.

[Archived Post]

my suggestion....

would be that the Cap earned his stripes aiding the french resistance. Standing guard one night, he defended a safe house full of expatriot german scientists and french civilians single handedly against a science/occult paramilitary unit from Nazi.
in a last ditch attempt to gain access to the refugees, one german soldier fired off an experimental weapon. Unfortunately it had been deliberately boobytrapped by the runaway german scientists(whose recovery was the purpose of the attack)

the blast hit Cap square in the chest throwing him back fully through the building. Then, the weapon exploded, leaving a crater where the soldier had been.



The germans retreat, and the french resistance shows up to evacuate the refugees.
Rather than being hurt by the blast, Cap seems remarkably well, healthier, more fit (he used to need glasses)
he becomes something of a mascot to his unit and american armed forces in general. He never tired, he always one.. he was the guardian of justice and freedom...
He was Captain Sentinel.

throughout the war Captain Sentinel wasnt always on the front lines, but if he was there, the Allies won, or held the line.
When the war ended, the Axis collaps created a technological and occult diffusion, with petty dictators and generic criminals gaining access to terrible weapons both scientific and mystic. Captain Sentinel made it a personal mission to bring these people to justice.

He put his uniform on again, and fought in Korea. He fought constantly with MacArthur and held the line against the PLA while Allied forces retreated from the Yalu River.

Around the time of MacArthur's dissmissal, millitary officals began to realize that the Captain's health and endurance were far beyond normal levels, and after 5 years and countless engagements, he hadnt aged in any way.
As part of a new branch of the government, russian and german scientists studied the Captain in a secret lab in the new mexico desert.
It was there he discovered he could manipulate energy, and lead to Cap's greatest shame.

Through studying Cap's abilities, scientists were able to turn the fission bomb, into the exponentially more powerful Fusion Bomb.


Feeling slightly betrayed, Captain Sentinel left the military and began fighting injustice whereever he saw it.... However when Viet Nam flared up, he couldnt stop himself from protecting his fellow soldiers from harm in the jungles. He did what he could, but primarily he protected small villages and towns from unchecked aggression from either side. His noteriety among the civilian populous back in the states grew to astronomical proportions as the dubious nature of that police action came out, and his neutral actions to protect innocent life came to light.

After Vietnam, Captain Sentinel dedicated himself wholly to the selfless defense of innocence and freedom, whereever he was needed.

for 30 years he stood as an unquestioned leader in the fight against crime and injustice, alongside many notable heroes.



since that time, and the rise of Antimatter, Cap has dedicated himself to the elimination of nuclear weapons, and the abuses of technology in the world.

[Archived Post]

GHOSTHACK!

Have I already told you how awesome you are! Love it. On the lines I was thinking of!

[Archived Post]

I figure that antimatter's story would be a mirror...

being the german soldier who accidently got caught in the backlash of the exploding weapon.... at first he was blasted into pure energy, and it took him years to re-constitute himself....
beliving he'd come back from the dead as a god (and with powers to match) he became instrumental in places like spain and south america where facism still held sway...
using his ability to destroy matter, he set himself up as warlord on the largest caribbean island durring the turmoil of the early 1940s, and by '44 became the shadow ruler of the country.

That is, until the united states interfered. In 1959, US backing aided the revolution of Fidel Castro, ousting the former ruler, and his shadowy master.
Antimatter would have struck down Cuba's new leader, being a member of a "communist movement", but he saw the potential of the man, and shared his hatred of the US.

they became wary allies through the 60s and 70s. Durring this time, Antimatter begain his research into Nuclear weaponry. in the early 80's and into the 90s, antimatter began a subtle campaign in the Islands, gaining followers and consolidating power. With the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, Cuba's economy crashed, and Antimatter took the oprotunity to secretly purchase much of the island. In 1992, he helped fund Doctor Destoryer's bid and American distruction (being a fellow german, afterall)

The Doctor's successes and failures became a model for Antimatter, and throughout the 90's he began his bid to conquer the US.

In 2004, he attempted to put his plan in motion, only to be stopped by the man who had, incidently, given Antimatter his powers.
Amazed that there was another being as powerful as he was, Antimatter felt compelled to destroy his "brother"
The battle that ensued on the outskirts of Vibora Bay (somewhere between the panhandle and new orleans, by its discription) left Antimatter too weak to keep his molecular structure together, the resulting seperation caused an explosion of near-nuclear proportions. it was only by shear luck on the Captain's part that no civilians were caught in the blast.
It appeared that Antimatter died in the explosion, but reciently his followers, many beliving fanatically in his godhood have been seen throughout the carabbean islands and central america, and it is likely that he has found a way to reconstitute himself again.



Beyond his normal energy powers, I could see him having a radiation-based pbAOE aura that debuffs his opponants, and the ability to explode in a massive explosion, and reconstitute himself at a later date (sooner if he does it on purpose, much longer if he was at his last breath)
At the present time, its unknown whether Antimatter CAN be killed.....

[Archived Post]

Pure genius you are.

[Archived Post]

The pictures helped...:o

[Archived Post]

hey i could use a tad bit of help with my hero's origin myself, ok his name is voltrode and in essence hes an electric scrapper, think charging up his fists with electricity and being able to shoot it all that jazz, he can fly he can take a beating basically all generic super hero stuff strength faster than average great stamina, but like i said his main power is electricity.

anyway i was wondering how he could have gotten his powers, i was tying with the idea of him working as a security guard at some lab and accidently walking in on an experiment boom blast has electric powers and can do super human feats, but what would be the best way to do that? also what would his goal be for fighting crime?

also his arch nemesis being a t1000 clone lol but i have no idea how to pull that off lol

[Archived Post]

also what would his goal be for fighting crime?

What would be your goal for fighting crime? Could be Revenge (Batman), Glory (Booster Gold), Money (Luke Cage), Penance (Spiderman), Patriotism (Captain America) and on and on. There are as many reasons to fight crime as there are to be a rock star.

What conflict in his past drives the hero towards this goal? What happened pre-origin to your character that drives him towards his goal? How does being a superhero help him achieve his goal.

How is your T1000 villain directly involved in that conflict? What is T1000’s desire? How does your villain’s desire create conflict with your heroes desire? Doctor Doom doesn’t do things because he’s “evil”. Doom’s pride makes his conflict with the world. He thinks he knows best and rule under him would be best for the world. ALL GOOD VILLAINS SHOULD THINK THEY ARE THE HEROES.

A good origin (or good story for that matter) is all about conflict. It's about personal desires and the obstacles that stand in the way of that desire.

You might say that Peter Parker becomes Spiderman when he's bitten by a radioactive spider. I would say that he becomes Spiderman when he realizes he is responsible for Uncle Ben's death. If Peter Parker never had super powers, I bet he would still find someway to fight crime, don’t you? It's Spiderman's desire to "make up" for his uncle's death that drives him.

If you’re still having trouble, reach inside yourself. What do you want? What do you wish you could change? Who or what is standing in the ways of your goals and desires? Is it an evil boss? Parent you can’t live up to? The girl who doesn’t notice you? Is it someone that puts it’s own desire ahead of your own? Someone who doesn’t share your ideology? We all experience conflict; stories are just a way to share those ideas with others.

[Archived Post]

excellent help ghoul, im actually in the midst of writing a back story with your advice in mind, if i deem it good enough ill post it on the forums to see what other people think

[Archived Post]

Hey, I was wondering if you could critique my origin/background for Misanthrope (http://forums.champions-online.com/showthread.php?t=6427). He's a severely updated version of a character created when I was six, having, basically, only slight similarities in powers and origin to him. Thanks!

[Archived Post]

A lot of great talent in these boards no doubt. I was reading through Poseidon's animal/insect name thread and one simple little name that Ghoul mentioned, The Cockroach, got me thinking of a bizzare street level vigilante.

His story starts with him very very young waking up in the basement of an abandoned building that is engulfed in cockroaches. The boy studies the insects and finds that they are great survivors and wants to be the best survivor to ever exsist. He travels the world subjecting himself to very rigerous and painful survival experiments and learns martial arts. And just to be different he LOVES to use nun-chucks.
Later he develops a damage resistant/bullet proof exoskeleton and super sensitive antenaes and takes to the streets fighting crime.

Right now his only reason for fighting crime is to test his survivability which is a pretty neat twist imo. I could use some help fleshing out his backstory and details on how he ended up in the abandoned building and how he managed to create the suit and antenaes. Thanks for anyone's help in advance!!! :)

[Archived Post]

I really like what you have so far! If you don’t mind let me bounce a couple ideas off of you.

How about the hero being born slightly odd looking (maybe he an albino?) and placed in abusive foster care? He’s locked for weeks at a time in the basement. A horrible place covered in trash and roaches. From there he realizes what great survivors they are. He decides he is a survivor as well and escapes after years of neglect and torture. Living in old abandoned buildings and surviving much like the bugs he admires. He meets an old hobo and ex-villain “Vespertine”, who takes pity on him and teaches him to read and write, physics, mathematics as well as the prison martial art “52 Blocks”. Together they carve out an existence in the dark corners of the city finding warmth and friendship in each other.

One day his mentor and adopted father is killed by hired thugs defending the condemned building The Cockroach and other transients call home. The thugs work for a corrupt and twisted development corporation bent on transforming the slums of the city into a shining example of modern living.

The Cockroach decides to fight back against the evil corporation, building a low-tech armor and weapons while using the skills taught to him by his mentor to make the city safe for the other outcasts, homeless, and bums in the city. He's the hero you can't seem to kill... The Cockroach!

[Archived Post]

Now THAT'S a backstory!! I love it Ghoul I really do. I tend to use the old mentor with a lot of my characters and I like the way you integrated it into Roaches story. I like the idea of them running around taking down drug dealers and using dealers' money to survive. Using the dangers of the streets to their advantage. I also like the evil corporation; another thing I use a lot. Sounds like I'm gonna use that corporation but have their plans turn out to be even more dark and sinister. Thanks Ghoul now I really wanna develop this character further. Ooh another idea. Instead of his mentor being killed, I think it would be neat to have him be recruited by the evil corp. and he just can't resist as he sees this as his chance for redemption. His greed takes over him and he abandons Roach to the streets. Betrayal is a theme I want to use with Roach.

[Archived Post]

Sounds good to me! Good luck!

[Archived Post]

Thanks! Now....I still haven't seen any info on your totally badass Ghoul character :p

[Archived Post]

Alright, after taking some time out I think I got down a backstory for my character but I need some help with how to describe how he delivers his version of justice or whatever (sorry, to frustrated on writing a backstory that I tend to take it out while posting). His powers so far are:

- Super Strength

- Electricity Manipulation (Able to absorb electricity and use it as a armor or shell)

- Super Speed and/or Super Jumping (depending on area)

As of his backstory I need big time help on that. Would give a picture of him but for some reason I can't, might need to download photoshop if possible. All I know is that he definately has a mutant origin.

[Archived Post]

I'd like to see what the best story you could come up with is.
My characters name is Fae. Her real name is faeth harrison. she is a witchcraft style character.
what's the best you got

[Archived Post]

Alright, after taking some time out I think I got down a backstory for my character but I need some help with how to describe how he delivers his version of justice or whatever (sorry, to frustrated on writing a backstory that I tend to take it out while posting). His powers so far are:

- Super Strength

- Electricity Manipulation (Able to absorb electricity and use it as a armor or shell)

- Super Speed and/or Super Jumping (depending on area)

As of his backstory I need big time help on that. Would give a picture of him but for some reason I can't, might need to download photoshop if possible. All I know is that he definately has a mutant origin.





Not alot to go on there Raze! You mind if I ask you some questions?

What's your hero's name?[
What did his parents think of having a "mutant"?
How did people treat him, knowing he was a mutant?
Did his power help him or make him an outcast?
How did he learn to use/control his powers?
What does he love?
What does he hate?
Who are his allies?
Where does he live?
Who are his enemies?
How did he learn he was a mutant?
Does he like being a mutant?
How does he view normal people?
How does he view other mutants?

Most mutants in the Marvel universe are social outcasts, hated and feared by society. They tend to fight for a place in the human world or to protect their own kind. I think once you've answered those question you'll have a good idea why your character delivers justice or whatever.

If you're having a problem with hero art try out:
http://www.heromachine.com/
or
http://fabricadeherois.blogspot.com/ (it's in Portuguese, but easy enough to figure out)
Good luck!

[Archived Post]

I'd like to see what the best story you could come up with is.
My characters name is Fae. Her real name is faeth harrison. she is a witchcraft style character.
what's the best you got

I dig witches. I have a witch character myself I'm working on. Her real name is Helena Handbasket. She comes from a long line of witches. Helena wants nothing more to be a TV journalist in the big studio. Instead she's working her way up from the bottom writing daily horoscopes for one of the sleazy supermarket tabloids her mother owns. All the while caring for her lewd sorcerous grandmother with alzheimer’s, a gaseous black cat familiar named “Spooky” and a double life as the crime fighter Witch Hazel!

So if you’re thinking of doing anything like that... DON’T! ;)

So... I’m having a hard time doing double duty for another witch character. I’m sure GhostHack will have some great ideas or one of the other forum junkies will be here to help. But so I won’t be a total waste, here are a few “witchy” names to consider for your hero:

Witchcraft
Spellbound
Sorcerinna
Bella Donna
Broomstick Bombshell
Ouija
White Witch
Winter Witch
Seance

/Yes they're my left-overs...
//And GZA because you cared to ask... I’ll post the origin of the Ghoul soon!

[Archived Post]

I dig witches. I have a witch character myself I'm working on. Her real name is Helena Handbasket. She comes from a long line of witches. Helena wants nothing more to be a TV journalist in the big studio. Instead she's working her way up from the bottom writing daily horoscopes for one of the sleazy supermarket tabloids her mother owns. All the while caring for her lewd sorcerous grandmother with alzheimer’s, a gaseous black cat familiar named “Spooky” and a double life as the crime fighter Witch Hazel!

So if you’re thinking of doing anything like that... DON’T! ;)

So... I’m having a hard time doing double duty for another witch character. I’m sure GhostHack will have some great ideas or one of the other forum junkies will be here to help. But so I won’t be a total waste, here are a few “witchy” names to consider for your hero:

Witchcraft
Spellbound
Sorcerinna
Bella Donna
Broomstick Bombshell
Ouija
White Witch
Winter Witch
Seance

/Yes they're my left-overs...
//And GZA because you cared to ask... I’ll post the origin of the Ghoul soon!


I completely like Seance. That is a really cool name. Thanks. I can't wait until someone can help me with her backstory though:D

[Archived Post]

Ghoul I can't wait for the backstory!

Now, for a witch character....hmm I'm not really good with witches so I'll throw a random wacky idea out there. Your character could start out as a noob witch with really no powers at all so she joins a cult to try and learn the mystic arts. The cult turns out to be hella evil and one day a police swat team breaks into their hideout and a huge firefight ensues. Your character,(Fae right?) is killed and buried soon after. However as fate would have it....she was miraculously buried in the same grave as an uber powerful witch that was killed during the witch hunts. The witche's soul fuses with Fae's and Fae is somehow ressurected with amazing powers and ready to wtfpwn evil.

It's just an idea so don't kill me if you hate it :p

[Archived Post]

Not alot to go on there Raze! You mind if I ask you some questions?

What's your hero's name?
What did his parents think of having a "mutant"?
How did people treat him, knowing he was a mutant?
Did his power help him or make him an outcast?
How did he learn to use/control his powers?
What does he love?
What does he hate?
Who are his allies?
Where does he live?
Who are his enemies?
How did he learn he was a mutant?
Does he like being a mutant?
How does he view normal people?
How does he view other mutants?

Most mutants in the Marvel universe are social outcasts, hated and feared by society. They tend to fight for a place in the human world or to protect their own kind. I think once you've answered those question you'll have a good idea why your character delivers justice or whatever.

If you're having a problem with hero art try out:
http://www.heromachine.com/
or
http://fabricadeherois.blogspot.com/ (it's in Portuguese, but easy enough to figure out)
Good luck!



Hero Name: Over-Charge (gawd I hope this name isn't taken.)

What did his parents think of having a "mutant"? At first they thought about hiding him from everyone and hope the idea of him being a mutant would disappear, but after a few months they turned him over to a undercover scientist to find a cure.

How did people treat him, knowing he is was mutant? They treated him like a foreigner.

Did his powers make him or help him become a outcast? Definately made him a outcast.

How did he learn to use/control his powers? He learned paying alot of attention to how transformers and power lines were used to transfer, and focused his power on that. (taking, giving, forcing....)

What does he love? Over-Charge loves anything that has a "peaceful" sense to it.

What does he hate? Machinery and people hurting others.

Who are his allies? As of late he has none. Then again, anyone he calls a friend is a ally to him.

Where does he live? In apartment building overlooking a beach.

Who are his enemies? His main enemy is a man called Turbine. He holds a villain group called "Hunters United".

How did he learn he was a mutant? One night he was playing a handheld console when the battery died. Out of frustration he started throw and break anything he can grab, then after seeing his hand threw the TV, he started to freak out while more electricity "crawled" on him, causing a black out in his home.

Does he like being a mutant? He likes it, just hates the name.

How does he view normal people? He sees them as "wandering birds".

How does he view othe mutants? He sees them as if they're like himself, always looking for a home, but knows it's not going to happen anytime soon. At least not like a normal person does.

Hope I didn't confuse you with this. Also I tried both the hero creator and the portuguese version so many times and yet I still can't make a link.

[Archived Post]

Ghoul I can't wait for the backstory!

Now, for a witch character....hmm I'm not really good with witches so I'll throw a random wacky idea out there. Your character could start out as a noob witch with really no powers at all so she joins a cult to try and learn the mystic arts. The cult turns out to be hella evil and one day a police swat team breaks into their hideout and a huge firefight ensues. Your character,(Fae right?) is killed and buried soon after. However as fate would have it....she was miraculously buried in the same grave as an uber powerful witch that was killed during the witch hunts. The witche's soul fuses with Fae's and Fae is somehow ressurected with amazing powers and ready to wtfpwn evil.

It's just an idea so don't kill me if you hate it :p

Thanks GZA that gives me a direction to go in. Thanx thanx thanx:D:D:D

[Archived Post]

No problem tjmadd, glad to help. Now Raze I have a little twist for you character. Since your hero Over-Charge is an outcast....how about making the villain well known and even well liked. He could go to charity events and donate money to the poor in the day-time under the guise of a businessman. But at night he does his evil deeds with his villain group and the only person who knows is Over-Charge. Over-Charge could be fighting to reveal to the world that Turbine runs an evil corporation. They could even be blood related to give the conflict even more tension.

Again just a wacky idea off the top of my head.

[Archived Post]

thanks again Gouley... and welcome to the party Gza... I really want this to be a place where anyone can ask a question and anyone can answer it... We're all here to help

[Archived Post]

Glad to be here Ghost :)

Actually, now I could use some assistance. I have a villain in mind, a gritty Batman-like villain who is a mime that happens to be the greatest hypnotist in the world. He can hypnotize you even if you're not willing. I have his theme going but I just can't determine his origin or why he is a villain or what his goals are.

Thanks in advance!

PS. by Batman-like villain I mean a villain like those found in his rogues gallery. I hope that clears up any confusion.

[Archived Post]

Since your hero Over-Charge is an outcast....how about making the villain well known and even well liked. He could go to charity events and donate money to the poor in the day-time under the guise of a businessman. But at night he does his evil deeds with his villain group and the only person who knows is Over-Charge. Over-Charge could be fighting to reveal to the world that Turbine runs an evil corporation. They could even be blood related to give the conflict even more tension.

Again just a wacky idea off the top of my head.

Not a bad idea. I think that would really set both of them up (since I was going to say they're related). Thanks for the help guys, will return with another one once I get a certain numbers of sleep.

[Archived Post]

Ok about my mime villain....I realized you kinda have to talk to someone in order to hypnotize them so he kinda can't be a mime. BUT....if you can make him a mime AND hypnotist....I will call you a genius and make him one of my main villains.

Glad I could help Rayze. I've been on a semi-decent idea streak lately......I KNOW I TRIED TO MAKE A MIME HYPNOTIST SHHH!! :)

[Archived Post]

Well...
My heros name is ultimate ranger hes a archer with Increased vison,speed,Strengthand reflexes andused trick arrows like green arrow,he is also trained in some martial arts and used some high-teck gadgets heres his story.
Aaron Halls just came back from winning the archery championship in the olympics but when he got to his home town he was shocked the whole town was destoryed,luckaly his friends and family where ok,but Aaron still demanded to know what or who what the cause of this and it turns out an unidentfied villan went on a rampage and destroyed the city and killed some people.Aaron wanted to to get stop this villan before he hurt anyone but how? well the thought to him self I can shoot a bow and arrow I can Run fast,
I have really good reflexes and vison ,well this reminded Aaron about the crime fighter Green Arrow comics he used to reed when he was a kid so after re building most of the city he used his left over money to buy a custom desigend suit,some special designed arrows,some high teck gadgets,and custom designed car and plane to help him. so aaron desided to become a crime fighter and named him self the ultimate ranger. now Aaron lives in Millennium City which he has now found the unknown villan that now calles him self commander devastate the ultimae ranger fights crime making the world a better place for every-one to live in.

thats his story plese commment and add suggestins if you want to,thanks

[Archived Post]

Ok about my mime villain....I realized you kinda have to talk to someone in order to hypnotize them so he kinda can't be a mime. BUT....if you can make him a mime AND hypnotist....I will call you a genius and make him one of my main villains.

I've been on a semi-decent idea streak lately......I KNOW I TRIED TO MAKE A MIME HYPNOTIST SHHH!! :)


That's a tough one there bud. I would say magic since you can hypnotize, but then again there's science mainly cause he's a mime.

I guess it all depends on his backstory is brought up, other than that I can only guess by his powers. Sorry if this doesn't help.

[Archived Post]

Yeah I'm just gonna scrap the whole mime thing altogether. I will still use hypnotism for one of my villains but I gotta figure out an interesting backstory first. And Ahalls25, I say make the villain who destroyed your hero's city a cyborg who can transform his hands into a bunch of different weapons. He could also be able to control anything technilogical. Just a small suggestion hope it works for your hero.

[Archived Post]

I think ill do that thanks

[Archived Post]

Well...
My heros name is ultimate ranger hes a archer with Increased vison,speed,Strengthand reflexes andused trick arrows like green arrow,he is also trained in some martial arts and used some high-teck gadgets heres his story.
Aaron Halls just came back from winning the archery championship in the olympics but when he got to his home town he was shocked the whole town was destoryed,luckaly his friends and family where ok,but Aaron still demanded to know what or who what the cause of this and it turns out an unidentfied villan went on a rampage and destroyed the city and killed some people.Aaron wanted to to get stop this villan before he hurt anyone but how? well the thought to him self I can shoot a bow and arrow I can Run fast,
I have really good reflexes and vison ,well this reminded Aaron about the crime fighter Green Arrow comics he used to reed when he was a kid so after re building most of the city he used his left over money to buy a custom desigend suit,some special designed arrows,some high teck gadgets,and custom designed car and plane to help him. so aaron desided to become a crime fighter and named him self the ultimate ranger. now Aaron lives in Millennium City which he has now found the unknown villan that now calles him self commander devastate the ultimae ranger fights crime making the world a better place for every-one to live in.

thats his story plese commment and add suggestins if you want to,thanks


If you don't mind, I have something for you to think about.
Why did the villian attack his town? Is the town hiding something? Is it next to something worth attcking and it was just caught in the crossfire? Or was it attacked because the bad guy's an insane, random destructive monster?

If you can come up with a reason why this happened, then you can give your guy a bit more depth.

[Archived Post]

I will thanks

[Archived Post]

a mime hypnotist is easy...

one of the most CLASSIC, pulpy versions of hypnosis was "look into my eyes".... and who better to stare menacingly than a mime?


what you have to realize, is that this villain isnt a mime by choice.... his larnyx was cut out. his father was part of a secret occult organization that believed in human "modification"... his father had his own hand surgically removed, and in preperation to become an acolyte of this order, removed the vocal abilities of his son.

Unable to speak at such an early age, left the child able to communicate only through subtle bodylanguage, facial emotion, and a sort of "word forming" using his lips.

his troubled childhood both sent him off his rocker, and gave him ample reason to bury himself in various topics... being a mute, it was only natural that he began to interest himself in mutes in culture... assassins, holy men, and mimes...
his natural form of communication lent itself perfectly to "miming" and he finally ran away from home to get to france and learn from masters...

on top of being a mime and hypnotist, he is an excelent assassin and spy.


never saying a word, he can perfectly convey his commands to hypnotized subjects with his body language, subtle twitches of his face muscles and mouthing apropriate words in any of a dozen languages.

he is cold, ruthless, and more than a little insane.

[Archived Post]

You Ghosthack.....are a genius. I was going to use an occult organization for one of my villains named The War-Nun but you make it work perfectly for this mime character. I have a few questions though.....what goals does his father have in cutting out his larynx? What does he believe this will do? Also....since I want to make this mime guy a villain....what are his evil goals? You mentioned holy men....such as monks and other people of that nature...does the mime take over the cult and perform evil acts in the name of God? Or does he have other nefarious plans?

I only ask 'cause I think if we fully flesh out this villain....we could have a truly classic and diabolical viallin on our hands MUAHAHAHA!!!

[Archived Post]

Well...
My heros name is ultimate ranger hes a archer with Increased vison,speed,Strength and reflexes and usees trick arrows like green arrow,he is also trained in some martial arts and used some high-teck gadgets heres his story.
Aaron Halls just came back from winning the archery championship in the olympics but when he got to his home town he was shocked the whole town was destoryed,luckaly his friends and family where ok,but Aaron still demanded to know what or who what the cause of this and it turns out an unidentfied villan went on a rampage and destroyed the city and killed some people.Aaron wanted to stop this villan before he hurt anyone but how? well he thought to him self I can shoot a bow and arrow I can Run fast,
I have really good reflexes and vison ,well this reminded Aaron about the Green Arrow comics he used to reed when he was a kid so after re building most of the city he used his left over money to buy a custom desigend suit,some special designed arrows,some high teck gadgets,and custom designed car and plane to help him. so aaron desided to become a crime fighter and named him self the ultimate ranger. now Aaron lives in Millennium City which he has now found the unknown villan that now calles him self commander devastateis who is a cyborg and can control anything tecnlogical and turn his hand in to any weapon, the ultimate ranger fights crime making the world a better place for every-one to live in.

thats his story plese commment and add suggestins if you want to,thanks

[Archived Post]

Good job Ahalls. Looks like you have a good hero and villain conflict established.

[Archived Post]

Thanks Gza

[Archived Post]

You Ghosthack.....are a genius. I was going to use an occult organization for one of my villains named The War-Nun but you make it work perfectly for this mime character. I have a few questions though.....what goals does his father have in cutting out his larynx? What does he believe this will do? Also....since I want to make this mime guy a villain....what are his evil goals? You mentioned holy men....such as monks and other people of that nature...does the mime take over the cult and perform evil acts in the name of God? Or does he have other nefarious plans?

I only ask 'cause I think if we fully flesh out this villain....we could have a truly classic and diabolical viallin on our hands MUAHAHAHA!!!

the cult believes in spiritual androgenous beings (angels, fallen or otherwise, demons etc) that will bestow ultimate power on those who recognize their influence in this world, and give them apropriate praise.

to better beg for the favor of these beings, all men of the order recieve a Chondrolaryngoplastic surgery to remove all evidence of their adam's apple (women are either small chested naturally, or recieve surgery to become so)
castration is also common, but not as universal as the tracheal shave.

The villain's father, a highly placed, but unliked member of the order gives his son a "homebrew" version of the opperation when hes still an infant. his purpose is personal zeal and a desire to raise the perfect efegy of the beings the organization worships, a model of perfection for the order to establish himself as leader (spiritually and politically)

as you might expect, the opperation is both a perfect success, and a failure. The boy's throat healed, he became stoic, falling easily into a trance-like state, his skin took on a thickness and golden hue. He was a lazy eyed god. Unfortunately, his father failed to realize... his son was suffering from Congenital hypothyroidism, caused by the Trachael shave.
His voice was completely gone, damage to his voicebox and though his mind was not effected by cretinism, his body showed all the weakness of the condition, constant sleepyness, low muscle tone, gently protruding stomach, and jaundice. The boy never grew taller than 5'...

through his lethargy, the mantra of his father, the brainwash conditioning of the order broke down, he began to dispise his situation, but his pecularities and complete inability to socialize with anyone else made him feel like he was walled off from the rest of the world.
he ran away, to europe and found a "calling" as a mime. It was easy to play act in silence, and his ability to communicate through body language and expression flourished. He was, at 18, considered the absolute master of that artform... but while his white make-up mask allowed him to be accepted as a mime, he still couldnt connect to anyone as a person, and his sanity was breaking apart.

at an exibition of entertainment arts, he watched as a man hipnotized a whole stage of people. after the show, he cornered the performer, and compelled him to teach the young man to hypnotize others. He paid every euro he'd been able to save in 3 years of miming..
...only to find out that the man was a charletan. The hypnotist taught the boy stage tricks, useless "magickery" to convince the audience and the people on stage, that their actions would be forgiven. It was suggestion, not hypnosis
in a fit of rage, The Mime killed the hypnotist. He fled Paris with a drive to learn the secrets of Hypnosis.

[Archived Post]

Man GhostHack that is dark and creepy as hell and I LOVE it!!!! Fits perfectly with the rest of the cast of my characters.

So, if I read correct, the purpose of the surgery was kind of like a sacrifice offering to the gods? If I'm getting it wrong it's okay to call me insanely stupid.

I love the idea of him being an outcast. I also love the idea of him turning the tables on his fate. He was being manipulated for so long by his father he decides he'll control others through hypnotism. Awesome idea.

Now we just need a name.......for some reason I just can't think of one for him...Mindbender?......
Brain-Jacker?.......

[Archived Post]

a mime hypnotist is easy...

one of the most CLASSIC, pulpy versions of hypnosis was "look into my eyes".... and who better to stare menacingly than a mime?


what you have to realize, is that this villain isnt a mime by choice.... his larnyx was cut out. his father was part of a secret occult organization that believed in human "modification"... his father had his own hand surgically removed, and in preperation to become an acolyte of this order, removed the vocal abilities of his son.

Unable to speak at such an early age, left the child able to communicate only through subtle bodylanguage, facial emotion, and a sort of "word forming" using his lips.

his troubled childhood both sent him off his rocker, and gave him ample reason to bury himself in various topics... being a mute, it was only natural that he began to interest himself in mutes in culture... assassins, holy men, and mimes...
his natural form of communication lent itself perfectly to "miming" and he finally ran away from home to get to france and learn from masters...

on top of being a mime and hypnotist, he is an excelent assassin and spy.


never saying a word, he can perfectly convey his commands to hypnotized subjects with his body language, subtle twitches of his face muscles and mouthing apropriate words in any of a dozen languages.

he is cold, ruthless, and more than a little insane.

the cult believes in spiritual androgenous beings (angels, fallen or otherwise, demons etc) that will bestow ultimate power on those who recognize their influence in this world, and give them apropriate praise.

to better beg for the favor of these beings, all men of the order recieve a Chondrolaryngoplastic surgery to remove all evidence of their adam's apple (women are either small chested naturally, or recieve surgery to become so)
castration is also common, but not as universal as the tracheal shave.

The villain's father, a highly placed, but unliked member of the order gives his son a "homebrew" version of the opperation when hes still an infant. his purpose is personal zeal and a desire to raise the perfect efegy of the beings the organization worships, a model of perfection for the order to establish himself as leader (spiritually and politically)

as you might expect, the opperation is both a perfect success, and a failure. The boy's throat healed, he became stoic, falling easily into a trance-like state, his skin took on a thickness and golden hue. He was a lazy eyed god. Unfortunately, his father failed to realize... his son was suffering from Congenital hypothyroidism, caused by the Trachael shave.
His voice was completely gone, damage to his voicebox and though his mind was not effected by cretinism, his body showed all the weakness of the condition, constant sleepyness, low muscle tone, gently protruding stomach, and jaundice. The boy never grew taller than 5'...

through his lethargy, the mantra of his father, the brainwash conditioning of the order broke down, he began to dispise his situation, but his pecularities and complete inability to socialize with anyone else made him feel like he was walled off from the rest of the world.
he ran away, to europe and found a "calling" as a mime. It was easy to play act in silence, and his ability to communicate through body language and expression flourished. He was, at 18, considered the absolute master of that artform... but while his white make-up mask allowed him to be accepted as a mime, he still couldnt connect to anyone as a person, and his sanity was breaking apart.

at an exibition of entertainment arts, he watched as a man hipnotized a whole stage of people. after the show, he cornered the performer, and compelled him to teach the young man to hypnotize others. He paid every euro he'd been able to save in 3 years of miming..
...only to find out that the man was a charletan. The hypnotist taught the boy stage tricks, useless "magickery" to convince the audience and the people on stage, that their actions would be forgiven. It was suggestion, not hypnosis
in a fit of rage, The Mime killed the hypnotist. He fled Paris with a drive to learn the secrets of Hypnosis.



That scares me.......

[Archived Post]

why does that scare you? :-/


And I wouldnt so much say "offering to the gods"..... more like "we wish to honor you, see, here... we try to emulate you by removing all signs of gender difference, so we might be able to walk in your pressance without causing offence"


as for names
Pantomind
The Mesmerist
The Enthralling Mayon/Virat

something "Stage namey" seems most apropriate... like a young man who's lost himself, in his own character.

[Archived Post]

comment




its comming Aha, I promise.

[Archived Post]

why does that scare you? :-/



Mainly the idea of that scares me. No paticular reason.

[Archived Post]

Ahh I get it now Ghost. I agree the stage namey thing fits him I'll have to think of something creepy and mysterious. And Rayze if that scares you......good that's what I'm going for :p

[Archived Post]

i'm mainly doing this to see if i need to flush anything out for my character.
Weeping Shadow is an opertive for H.A.N.G.M.A.N, a secret organization focusing on stealth, assasination, recon and sabatoge. he's been geneticly modified to make him stronger and faster than most olympian athletes. this genetic tinkering has caused his tear ducts to burst when his adrenaline is flowing causing him to "weep blood". the reason he's in millenium city is his superiors have sent him to eliminate 16 major crime bosses ( from the powerful low thungs to the corrupt buisness-men). H.A.N.G.M.A.N has supplied him with a base of operations, an old, derelict frieght ship that the locals simply call the "ghost ship". he's mainly in the vain of The Punisher and Batman as he has no "super" powers but is generally superior to most people.

and i'm still working on his list of "clients"

[Archived Post]

you definately need to flesh it out....

primarily.... is this an Agent 47 issue of "no past", does your character have any personal reasons to be a part of HANGMAN, or is he required to be a part of that organization....

what is the goal of the Organization, its name suggests an american origin, so is it only active in the US.... is it a whole organization of hitmen vigilantes or is it just your character....


why would he weep blood? if his tearducts burst.... he would weep blood once, perhaps getting him the name.... but after that... he wouldnt cry at all, and he'd constantly have to put eye drops in to keep his eyes from drying out.

if hes been genetically modified, he is not in the vein of batman or the punisher... he has a scientific origin... not a natural one...
though he may have trained hard to become what he is... why he is what he is, is because he has been genetically altered.
furthermore... Both batman and the punisher (indeed, most comic book vigilantes) rely on "Vengance" as a motive force. They are "getting back" at criminality for some act of violence perpetrated on them.


your character, however, seems to have no motive. Hes killing mob bosses, because his organization tells him to. Its not personal....
...and, to me, if it isnt personal it isnt heroic.(or antiheroic)

its just a job.




you need to develop your character. right now, you just have a "set up"....a situation... maybe a storyarch.
but you have no character there... just an idea.

[Archived Post]

Well...
My heros name is ultimate ranger hes a archer with Increased vison,speed,Strength and reflexes and usees trick arrows like green arrow,he is also trained in some martial arts and used some high-teck gadgets heres his story.

solid set of powers there... I assume that his increased "strength" merely sets him apart from normal humans (able to draw back an exceptionally large bow) but it seems a little "over done" if he starts lifting cars, yea? increased speed... increased compared to what? is it supernatural (The Flash?) or is it just... Olympian (I'm really getting tired of that mainstay, believe me)

Aaron Halls just came back from winning the archery championship in the olympics but when he got to his home town he was shocked the whole town was destoryed

destroyed? like... someone came through with a wrecking ball, or a nuclear bomb? when you say "destroyed"... the image is that nothing exists anymore... thats pretty freaking heavy.
Doctor Destroyer "destroyed" Detroit... and he was using freaking orbital lasers... or whatever.

luckaly his friends and family where ok,but Aaron still demanded to know what or who what the cause of this and it turns out an unidentfied villan went on a rampage and destroyed the city and killed some people.

and heres why thats a problem... if the city is "destroyed".... I doubt your villain "killed some people"... it sounds so... unassuming.
"Man, that villain, he like... threw a brick through Mr. Murphy's window, and broke all the eggs in the Piggley Wiggley... he totally DESTORYED the town.... I think someone had a heart attack, and Eloise Willson had to get rushed to the hospital cause he threw her insuline in front of a semi.


it doesnt match up. Destroyed, means DESTROYED... total devastation, not a "casual romp"... EVERYONE dies, or very nearly (someone has to tell the story, right?)

and you say a city was destroyed? that's destruction on a massive scale... 100 thousand people minimum.


you either need to serious rethink the extent of the destruction or change the size of the location. make it "small town, USA", lots of mom and pop stores, one gas station, that sort of thing. that way, one villain COULD "destroy" the town... and 4 or 5 deaths WOULD be a big deal...


Aaron wanted to stop this villan before he hurt anyone but how? well he thought to him self I can shoot a bow and arrow I can Run fast, I have really good reflexes and vison ,well this reminded Aaron about the Green Arrow comics he used to reed when he was a kid

I wouldnt suggest mentioning Green Arrow...

so after re building most of the city he used his left over money to buy a custom desigend suit,some special designed arrows,some high teck gadgets,and custom designed car and plane to help him. so aaron desided to become a crime fighter and named him self the ultimate ranger. now Aaron lives in Millennium City which he has now found the unknown villan that now calles him self commander devastateis who is a cyborg and can control anything tecnlogical and turn his hand in to any weapon, the ultimate ranger fights crime making the world a better place for every-one to live in.

thats his story plese commment and add suggestins if you want to,thanks

the rest is ok, but perhaps you should add some aspect of Aaron "discovering" the identity of the villain.. rather than it just being magically found out.

[Archived Post]

wow when you point it out it just seems obvious
i'll go back to the drawing board and see if i can shape it into something better
thanks.

and about the weeping blood their is a lizard (and possible a toad that i've heard of but can't find) that shoots blood from it's tear ducts to ward of predators. i might of just worded it wrong or something.

[Archived Post]

You guys have some good ideas but there is some work that needs to be done. It happens to everyone....I'm having trouble myself right now with a few characters. But again there are some cool ideas.

Gnomestompa: The "ghost ship" that the locals won't dare go near is a pretty cool idea.

Ahalls: I told ya already you got a solid set-up...you just need to clean it up a bit like Ghost said.

[Archived Post]

and about the weeping blood their is a lizard (and possible a toad that i've heard of but can't find) that shoots blood from it's tear ducts to ward of predators. i might of just worded it wrong or something.

quite possible... just remember... that isnt something humans do. if you want to encorporate it into your character (the idea of using your own blood as a weapon/deterant is pretty interesting and cool), it will require your character to step out of the realm of "normal human" and into the world of "mutant" "scientific alteration" or "chemical accident."


if your gonna go for it, take those things into account right from the begining...


perhaps having this strange power is what singled him out for "Hangman training".... or maybe its the result of the Organizations actions on your character.....


think it over, lets see what comes out :)

[Archived Post]

Maybe the HANGMAN organization could hunt down mutants and teach them to hone their inherent mutant abilities. They could also teach them martial arts, espionage, etc. and things of that nature to make them uber-powerful government agents.

Kind of like Charles Xavier does to the X-Men only the HANGMAN organization just trains mutants to become assassins; not educate them.

Maybe HANGMAN is evil and brainwashes these mutants into mindless killing machines.....and they assigned Weeping Shadow to kill the crime bosses only so HANGMAN could take over their operations.

WS could somehow break out of his brainwashing/programming and find out that HANGMAN is evil.....and attempt to take the organization down.

Hope you like some of these ideas....some are kinda cliche but cool nontheless :p

[Archived Post]

He's pretty much already stated the purpose of H.A.N.G.M.A.N. It simply needs a full name to go with the acronym, a backstory of its own and a bit more about its methodolgy. We know it uses assassin's, apparently to take out those it views as dangerous criminals, but how does it recruit and train them? Do the operatives have a choice? Are they brainwashed, black-mailed, or otherwise coerced? Where did they get the science and tech to create super-powered operatives?

As Ghost points out, however, the character itself is rather non-existent at this time. Basicly, as described, he's nothing but a (ok, why is a chess piece of little intrinsic value filtered?) with no personality, agenda, or will of his own.

For one suggestion gnome, find the name of that lizard that weeps/spits blood and have it's DNA used as part of the enhancement process. This also would help explain any attributes normally associated with lizards in the comics he might possess (wall-crawling, speed, agility, etc.). Did he volunteer for the program, or did he have no say in it? If he agreed, why?

[Archived Post]

ok i might have to change the name from HANGMAN to something else for a full name( granted if the name is long enough to have HANGMAN as it's acronym then i don't think ANYONE will ever use it full name.

as for the lizard the only (believable) name is the regal horned lizard

as for the recruitment it's more they find you ask you to sign up and if you say yes then your pretty much in for good (if not your house burns down, you get fired, arrested to the point of harrasment or something similer untill you say yes)(so no you don't have a choice). normally they seek out "mutants" for their recuits but they often approach those of (superior?) stock. as far as my char is concered it was either say yes or get sent to death row for a murder he didn't commit. if you decide to quit and run you are hunted by those who were your friends. i might possiblly have him seperate from the org. training is standardized but with the opertives unique abillites taken into acount (as in someone who leeches the life out of people through his hands will use more grabbling attacks while say shadow uses injuries inflicted by his opponet for another source of attack power). as for the tech that's something i didn't think of :( .

i can't think anything else at this time but i might write more (maybe)

[Archived Post]

i might suggest watching the Bourne movies (again?)

very much the feel you've just discribed.... might give you some inspiration.

[Archived Post]

Excellent movies and a good source for such a character.

About the full name of the organization gnome...it doesn't ever have to be fully used beyond the initial introduction to it. At that point, just use the anacronym. The other option is to alter the name to Hangman and don't bother with an anacronym.

P.S. Hope you don't mind my throwing in my 2 cents worth, Ghost.

[Archived Post]

not at all... the purpose of this thread is a hub where people wanting help, can find it.... Its about making awsome stories and characters, even if the person with the idea isnt so awsome at writing.


I dont care who helps them, as long as they get the help they need.....
...as long as you(universal you) dont act like a total prat, Im happy for the help. :)

[Archived Post]

I agree with everything you guys said. Thanks for setting this whole thing up Ghost :)

[Archived Post]

not at all... the purpose of this thread is a hub where people wanting help, can find it.... Its about making awsome stories and characters, even if the person with the idea isnt so awsome at writing.


I dont care who helps them, as long as they get the help they need.....
...as long as you(universal you) dont act like a total prat, Im happy for the help. :)

Heh, didn't think you would mind, just thought it would be polite to ask instead of continuing off of an assumption.

[Archived Post]

Thanks for all the help GhostHack!!

[Archived Post]

fiddle with it, Aha, and get back to us, I wanna see how it comes along :)

[Archived Post]

One quick question, I know the major weakness to electricity is water (correct me if I'm wrong) but is there any other power and/or free-form ability that electricity maybe strong/weak against?

[Archived Post]

I wouldnt call it "weak" against water.... at all.

the synergy of water and electricty entirely depends on any need for circuitry. Water is a solid conductor.. no where near copper or even aluminum, but enough(as any layman knows) plenty enough to electrocute a human...and if you were looking at an "inate" water power user vs. an "inate" electricity user.... the electricity user should win hands down every single time, without even blinking.


its not often the case.... usually water is shown as "shorting out" electricity powers.... but thats just a rediculous misrepresentation based on our real-world experence with electronic items... you throw water on a DvD player, and it gets fried, etc.

but circutry gets fried because it gets shorted out by water's conductivity. a "mutant" or a "magical" electrical hero/villain, however... would have no "circuitry" to be shorted out.... so the conductivity of the water should "take in" the electricty and fry the person touching it... short circuiting/frying the brain behind it.



as for other strengths/weaknesses to electricity.... anything weak to fire should also be weak to electricity.... plant powers and the like... and any mental/psychic could concievably be considered weak against electrical attacks.... also, any automaton should be considered weak to both water and electricity.

[Archived Post]

I'd hate to say this, but I'm a bit puzzled. I get about the DVD player getting fried and how magic/mutant electric can stand to magic/mutant water (maybe, but that's what I think) but what I don't get is how can fire and electricity be almost (if not) on the same level.

Also I'm still wondering what electricity is weak against (since I know now water isn't it's true weakness as I thought it was).

EDIT: Not sure if this will help or not, but the idea of the guy I'm talking about is pretty much a walking light bulb that get it's power from any electronic near him.

[Archived Post]

Electricity could be weak against non-human characters. For example, if your electricity guy was fighting a villain made out of stone or soil....theres not much he's going to do to him.

Can't really think of what would weaken the electricity user himself though.

[Archived Post]

I'd hate to say this, but I'm a bit puzzled. I get about the DVD player getting fried and how magic/mutant electric can stand to magic/mutant water (maybe, but that's what I think) but what I don't get is how can fire and electricity be almost (if not) on the same level.

Also I'm still wondering what electricity is weak against (since I know now water isn't it's true weakness as I thought it was).

EDIT: Not sure if this will help or not, but the idea of the guy I'm talking about is pretty much a walking light bulb that get it's power from any electronic near him.

Magnetism can be used to re-route electrical attacks away from your opponent. However, if the wrong polarity is used, it can attract it. Fire cooks people, just like it does all animals, and electricity short-circuits the nervous system as well as the heat caused by the energy transfer cooking meat. Fire will also consume any flammable fuel source, whereas electricity requires a conductive medium to carry it.

However, electricity's greatest weakness is against non-conductive, insulating materials. Your electricity would be absolutely useless against an insulated target...or a force field.

[Archived Post]

They call me.. Mr. Glass...


Mae is right... nonconductive materals...someone with exceptional control of kenetic energy...

[Archived Post]

"They call me....Mr.Glass"

Dammit I love that movie!!!! I wanna go watch it now :D

Is it just me or does the movie feel very realistic concerning it's fantastical story?? And then doesn't that make it much much cooler??!?!?

Sorry to get off topic but I just love Unbreakable.

[Archived Post]

Magnetism can be used to re-route electrical attacks away from your opponent. However, if the wrong polarity is used, it can attract it. Fire cooks people, just like it does all animals, and electricity short-circuits the nervous system as well as the heat caused by the energy transfer cooking meat. Fire will also consume any flammable fuel source, whereas electricity requires a conductive medium to carry it.

However, electricity's greatest weakness is against non-conductive, insulating materials. Your electricity would be absolutely useless against an insulated target...or a force field.

They call me.. Mr. Glass...


Mae is right... nonconductive materals...someone with exceptional control of kenetic energy...



Wow, I never thought of it that way, thanks for pointing that out guys.

[Archived Post]

not a problem... just dont call him "Aesbestos man"

thats not the insulation were really talking about.... and besides, "Serpentine Man" sounds a lot cooler...

[Archived Post]

Glad to help.

And yeah, Asbestos Man is currently tied up in litigation for causing cancer while saving firefighters from out of control forest fires.

Something to consider: A man in standard medieval armor would fry if hit by electricity, the metal transfers it straight to his body at every point of contact. However, Iron Man wouldn't notice as his suit is properly insulated. Colussus would simply conduct the electricity to whatever he is touching given that his entire body is metal (assuming he's in his transformed state, otherwise he fries too). So, not only could your attack be completely harmless to your opponent, if you're unaware of the pertinent situation, you could end up frying anyone he's touching instead. :p

[Archived Post]

or you could do that on purpose.... I sense a sidekick comming on


"Tesla boy, grab that villain!"
"oh son-of-a---"

[Archived Post]

or you could do that on purpose.... I sense a sidekick comming on


"Tesla boy, grab that villain!"
"oh son-of-a---"

ROFLMAO!

I love it, Ghost!!

Lightning Lad, don't you think it's time you changed your name? And got glasses? You couldn't hit the broad side of the barn!

Hrm, maybe you're right Tesla Boy. Err, that lady's in trouble over there, you'd best grab that villain.

On it LL!

zzzZZZZAAAAAAP!

-Yaaaaargh!-

What do you know, I CAN hit the broad side of a barn!

[Archived Post]

it could be a boyfriend and girlfriend team.....


Blonde Shock
and
the Rod

[Archived Post]

The Rod is the most over-rated name I've heard of (mainly cause every man I met uses that as his nickname for......)

As for the name it's still Over-Charge (the same one I asked for help on) but if he had a sidekick his name probably be Sparky or El Kid (like Elec Kid but just taking out the "ec").

Now to figure out how to bring up my other character (his backstory is pretty long, twisted and confusing. would easily just type out what I have but there's to much to go on).

[Archived Post]

The Rod is the most over-rated name I've heard of (mainly cause every man I met uses that as his nickname for......)




Heh, I think that was more or less the point. Not to mention, we were just being silly concerning the conductive nature of electricity and creative (mis)uses of it.

[Archived Post]

I know, just saying though.

[Archived Post]

True enough, but it could have been worse. It could have been Blonde Shock and the Hot Rod! :D

[Archived Post]

Just a reminder that we're here to help...

also, if you dont have a signature(or have room:o), and you think this thread is worth promoting, put up a link in your sig :D

[Archived Post]

What's the difference between meta-humans (all humans that have attained super powers) and those that were born with them(including mutants)?
Are they just called Humans?

[Archived Post]

Meta humans are all genetically "human" individuals who, for some reason or another, display inate supernatural abilities.

if you were born with it, if you are a host to a demon soul, if you got bit by a radioactive fennic fox..... if you're part god... You're a meta human.

some people extend this definition to mean "all people who engage in super hero work" but I dont think thats accurate.

meta means "beyond".... so beyond human, humans.... are people who are, for all intents and purposes.... human. But they have supernatural powers.


Classic Ironman(power armor), Batman(personal dedication/training), superman(alien phisiology) and other characters like them are not "meta-humans".... they are humans with armor, or humans with gadgets, or not human at all.




clear?

[Archived Post]

So who would classify as a metahuman? Spiderman springs to mind but his powers aren't innate.

[Archived Post]

actually, his wall crawling (and as per the movie, webshooting) are inate to his existance.
the fact that they didnt come "at birth" is immateral... they are not creations...

crawling on walls is an inate quality of Peter Parker... just like hulking out is an inate quality of Bruce Banner.

they started out as human... but they arent just human anymore.... hence "meta-human"

[Archived Post]

Ah, innate nvm I was thinking that meant at birth. Guess it means part of their genetics kinda?

[Archived Post]

"belonging to the essential nature of something "

[Archived Post]

Got it.

If you like expounding ideas, try this -- The Human Liberation Front has a single goal: The destruction of all metahuman life. Comprised solely of technologically advanced humans, they single out unsuspecting individuals and strike with purpose.

[Archived Post]

founded in 1962 as an organization fighting for the rights and heritage of "True Humans" against an onslaught of newly discovered "metas", the HLF has worked openly and in secret to stem the tide of genetic degredation in western society.

Senator James Alcott of Montana is the current chairman of the HLF, Though his attachment to the organization is kept low profile, he has consistantly voted against meta-human rights, and for any legislation banning vigilantism or requiring metas to be registered with the government and their whereabouts known.

since 1992, the HLF has become a much more visible presence in Millennium City. The organization views the Dr. Destroyer incident as proof of the imminent threat meta-humans present to the true humans of the world. They now have crack squads to deal with known meta-humans throughout Millennium City.

[Archived Post]

How about a small group (5-10) of the HLF that are cleared for use of any means by which to get the job done.

Shadow Guard

[Archived Post]

Susanna Klempner - Logistics. The defacto leader of the team, since Captain Keams took an energy blast to the face. Susanna is a competent soldier, but excels at getting what the team needs, when they need it (weapons, intel, petty cash)

Malcom Roser - Esponage, scout/recon/sniper. Malcom grew up wanting to be a ninja, he became a member of the US Navy Seals at 20, and became a civilian at 25. Applied to Detroit's SWAT team, but lost out to a low level meta who could turn invisible. Disinchanted he joined the HLF. Though he isnt as "extremist" as other members, he definately enjoys being valued. He's some what of a pretty boy in the group, and is often called on to infiltrate a situation incognito to gather intel

Lydia Whitechapel - Weapons specialist. Lydia usually takes point in every opperation. She has a deep loating of "super" humans. something to do with her past, be she isnt what you'd call "chatty." She likes the ones that bleed, even if it takes 80 rounds to drop them.

Jerry Horsethief - Medico. Horsethief is a new breed of HLF. In the late 90s, the leadership of the HLF took an ideologic shift, realizing that the color of ones skin, mattered far less than what was underneith. Since then, it has become an multinational organization spanning the globe in less than a decade. Jerry was trained in the latest field medicine procedures, and was raised as a spirit healer in Tuba City, Arizona.

Cross - heavy weapons, suppression. Cross is an old east german merc who joined the HLF when his whole company was killed by some 'roid raging meta. Like Lydia, he takes to hunting metas with relish, and is always close at hand to protect her back. Though they are some 30 years apart in age, theres a genuine chemestry between them.

David Barnett - support fire/electronics. Dave is the eyes and the ears of the team in most opperations, keeping the LASH system running smoothly and keeping track of video surveillance. on missions where another gun arm is required, David scored a 48/50 with three different assault rifles, and has 4 years of practical experence in the field.

[Archived Post]

what's "shadow guard"?

[Archived Post]

Shadow Guard

A small group of humans, metahumans and aliens secretly employed by the Human Liberation Front (directly opposing the groups core principles ) to strike at specific targets.

[Archived Post]

I kinda like how this is shaping up, especially considering one of the random people I made up some time ago is a normal human with a bit of a grudge against meta-humans and heroes/villains in general.

[Archived Post]

Hrm...

I don't think that membership list would be a wise move with the Shadow Guard, myself.

Now, maybe: A small and select group of soldiers within the HLF that have undergone gene alteration therapy to aquire the abilities to protect the rest of the world from meta-humans. These soldiers are all fiercely loyal to the ideology of the Human Liberation Front and have gone the extra mile to assure the HLF's success. They are well aware that their alterations place them on the target list for the HLF and that,should the HLF succeed, their final mission will be taking their own lives. They don't care. They veiw this as a necessary sacrifice to ensure the purity of the human genome and thus the continued survival of the human race. As such, the members of the Shadow Guard are more than willing to accept suicide missions so long as the missions success would guarantee the death of a sufficient number of meta-humans.

Edit: The reason I'd stay away from adding pre-existing meta-humans and aliens to the membership roles of the Shadow Guard is that it doesn't just bend the ideologies, it breaks them. It's also a widely used cliche. :p However, you could get by with the pre-existing meta-humans if you stick to the self-hating kind that believe they're an abomination on the face of the Earth. I'd stay away from alien membership at all costs though. Any alien joining such a group would likely be of the "kill all humans, exploit the Earth" type and a recognizable threat to the HLF itself.

[Archived Post]

i had originally assumed they were just a "black ops" arm of the HLF.... that they were the best humans could be.. sort of like "vampire hunters" might be in a different mythos.

normal people, extraordinarily talented.

[Archived Post]

Which, actually opens up another possibility.

The Shadow Guard would be as GhostHack describes, the best Humanity has to offer, but willing to sully themselves enough to use recovered or stolen alien technology, or (more believable) human adaptations of said technology.

With that being the case, an even smaller unit, the Phantom Guard which would be what I'd previously described. This unit would be completely hidden from common knowledge within the HLF, even the current leader likely wouldn't know they existed. They'd be the equivalent of a Black Ops team of which the leader would have complete deniability and be controlled by his most trusted General or Operations Advisor.

[Archived Post]

id4's area 51/Transformer's Hoover damn site

...now in team form?

[Archived Post]

Very cool idea guys. I especially like the idea of your Black Ops Mae. The idea that they only live for the ideals of the HLF and would willingly kill themselves to secure those ideals is very interesting.

[Archived Post]

The Mankind Liberation Front I envision employs an unspecified number of technologically advanced humans throughout the city, battling metahumans wherever they are found -- Open to any and all non-metahuman players.

The MLF however, as the name implies, would be a 'front' for another, much smaller and indeterminate group of known as the Shadow Guard -- similar to Britain's Shadow Cabinet, the group consists of contrarians -- determined to mold the future by effectively eliminating any and all metahuman opposition. This group does not participate in attacks and would not be playable as they are mainly politicians and business types.

Dead Show is the Shadow Guards cadre of enforcers that strike at specific targets in the metahuman ranks.The team is suspected to be comprised of both humans and metahumans, as well as an alien.

How do we convince the most CO players to forego superpowers and join the MLF -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manifesto

Seperatey, I'd like 4-6 others to join Dead Show exclusively and quitely -- I'd like to see a small bio with concepts that compliment a concept I made http://i34.tinypic.com/312wkyc.jpg I used the creator below
http://www.iniciative.com.br/edu/heroomatic/fabrica.swf

The character was originally called Dead Show, thought to be Australian(human) and had alias' like J. Jonah Jameson Jr. When, in fact, he was a time traveller, battle tested in over 40 wars and either sent or inclined to return to the past to sheer up the metahuman situation.

[Archived Post]

this is not a guild recruitment thread.

please do not post advertisements in here.

[Archived Post]

Sorry, man. Thanks for the help.

[Archived Post]

Well, I say it was more of a vision of his future plans rather than a flier for enlistment, though it did border dangerously close.

But, truthfully the reason I dropped in was to poke Dead Show with my funny stick, by making remarks and comments about him being the love child of Deadpool, Cable and J.J. and also the product of the extreme 90's. Though good show with the MLF and the Shadow Guard.

[Archived Post]

Thanks...You hit the nail on the head, although you didn't make the MLF connection.

[Archived Post]

Another thing that borders dangerously close is MLF to another abbreviation.

[Archived Post]

Yup, he was forming the Mutant Liberation Front in reverse. ;)

But yah, we're more than happy to help you flesh out ideas and get things set up, but it's best to put advertisements in with the SG threads.


The one thing I don't get is, why the Villain-theme group when there are no villainous players as of yet?

[Archived Post]

Not necessarily villainous, I was thinking they were borderline antihero/extremist.

[Archived Post]

Not necessarily villainous, I was thinking they were borderline antihero/extremist.

They're a hate group. They wouldn't see themselves as such, but as "genetic purists" that's exactly what they are. So yah, they're villains.

[Archived Post]

What can you come up with for a team called The Mighties?

[Archived Post]

Well yeah, they are a group built on a premise of racism. I wasn't about to call it directly villainous though because I'm not about to make a claim that it isn't in human nature to exist within a forced higherarchy.

[Archived Post]

What part of The Mighties says racist villains to you? They're more likely a gold/silver age inspired team -- the name sounds too retro to be bad.

[Archived Post]

They weren't talking about The Mighties they were talking about the MLF.

[Archived Post]

What part of The Mighties says racist villains to you? They're more likely a gold/silver age inspired team -- the name sounds too retro to be bad.

Yup, Monody was replying to me. Likely you were both typing at the same time.


Well, I'm not as good at creating the detail from whole cloth as Ghost is, I normally just find the holes and try to help folks fill them in, but I'll give it a shot.

Going with the Golden/Silver Age application of such a group name and the mentioning of Retro:

For the base team I'd say go with the standard 5-member line-up and make 2 frontliners, 1 mid range and 2 long range.

Mighty Man (or Mr. Might). Super strong and invulnerable...standard brick, but who's a skilled combatant and naturally charismatic. Fighting style of Dirty InFighting/Bar-room Brawling. May not be the brightest guy on the planet, but he's not dumb either.

Mighty Miss: Not as strong as Mighty Man, nor invulnerable. She's still super strong, nonetheless and very agile. She dodges, blocks or deflects most attacks and makes up for the strength difference by being both faster and more skilled than Mighty Man. A superb Martial Artist and acrobat with a very tactical mind. Also, moderate levels of super speed that allow her to aid the mid and back ranks when needed.

Gravitic Might (long range) is naturally short with an athletic build and gravitic powers. Flight, Gravitic blasts, Force Field, Entangles. (could be either male or female,). (Better name would be Singularity, but trying to stick with the Might theme)

Molten Might (long range) Fire and Earth. Can use fire blasts, Fireball (AE blast), earthen Force Wall, Entangles (earth), slows (heated stone spikes).

Dr. Might (Mid Range) Dr. Might is the team support. The title refers to the fact that he has an actual Doctorate in Medicine, General Practice. Abiliities to Boost Strength, Agility and Regeneration of teammates. Also Drains the same from opponents.

[Archived Post]

Too much "Might"....
Mr. Mighty is decient golden age...
His neice and sidekick: Golden Girl, Kate Powers
Her boyfriend: The Rocket
Mild love interest-cum-antagonist to Mighty: Titania
and, the tough, edgy one: mechanic, Ladybird Rojas

Mighty is our brick... early/mid 30's and a knight in shiny armor if there ever was on
His neice is part 50's teen, part Jezabel... getting into trouble, but always ariving to a brady bunch style solution.
The Rocket is All about the chicks, especially his gal, Katie. Hes got greaser hair and fancies himself a rebel (he's got himself a motor cycle)
Titania is a brick, but uses telekenetic force of will to keep her safe from harm, she and Mighty have chemestry, but shes a woman who wants to stand equal in a mans world, and keeps babbling on and on about her "rights". Mr. Mighty's sympathetic, but he doesnt quite understand what the big deal is, but when he find out who keeps "discriminating" on her, hes gonna pound their faces in.
and Ladybird, shes from the wrong side of the tracks... being part of the team, first as their mechanic, then as a full fledged member when she makes her Powered-Exo (a skeletal framework she wears over her shoulders and arms, with a visor to protect her face, and boots that let her fly).. gives her a chance to escape from her oppressive homelife and impossible working conditions as a female mechanic.



a little more "thematic" that way... without being hamfisted about it.